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"How are you feeling?"
"I'm okay. It's surreal standing here outside my own house and feeling like a stranger."
"We'll make a new home together somewhere else."
"I know."
He rested his hand on my belly. The doctor confirmed my pregnancy. I was four weeks. I hadn't imagined having a baby so soon, but I was ecstatic. A family was something I’d always wanted, and I considered this to be a fate baby. It was meant to be, and it gave me a reason to live. A reason to find happiness again. Purpose.
"I miss Grady," I whispered.
"Me, too, Bay. Me, too."
I thought about him so often it was unhealthy. I feared the worst but hoped for the best. I wanted him to find his purpose again. To learn how to live without Tessa, but I was also selfish and wanted him here with us. I wanted our baby to have an uncle, but I couldn't be sure he would ever return.
"I have a surprise for you."
"You do?" He was always great at lightening the mood.
We drove back to his apartment. He reached over and took my hand. It took time for little things like this to become natural again, and I was glad they had. He caressed my hand with his thumb as he held it close to him. When we pulled into the parking lot, there was a moving truck in front, and two men were loading it with furniture.
"Is that our bed?"
"Surprise," he announced.
"Surprise what? Are we moving?" Oh, no. We couldn't be moving.
"Yep, are you excited?"
My face held every expression except excitement. I was a mess. I was scared, nauseous, and most definitely, not excited. "Grady won't be able to find us," I managed to choke out.
Brandt's smile dropped. "Bay, we can't live based on what we think Grady's going to do. I know how hard it is for you to be here. We need to start over."
I knew he was right. "I'm sorry. I just need time to adjust. You know I don't do well with change, but I know this will be good for us."
"Grady has my email, and he's still co-owner of our company. If he wants to find us, he will. I would never leave if I thought he couldn't."
"Where are we going?"
"To a little beach community on the outskirts of San Diego."
"Oh, wow. We really are moving."
"It's been a month since the accident, and this community is still grieving. Every time we go to the grocery store, we pass memorials. Every time I read the paper, there's a new story about another family that perished."
"I know, Brandt. I get it. I run into my parents' friends all the time. It's hard hearing the condolences all the time. Makes it hard to move on. I think a fresh start where no one knows us is a great idea. I just hope Grady will join us one day."
"He will."
"Can you take me somewhere before we leave town?" I asked.
"Of course."
The movers were done, so we went through the apartment to make sure nothing was left behind and then dropped the keys off with the building manager. We were meeting the movers at the new place in the evening, so we had time to visit our family's graves. We stopped by the flower shop and picked up a few bundles of forget-me-not flowers. Brandt wandered to his parents' graves and left me surrounded by my parents' and Tessa's.
The gravestones were simple. I had "Forget Me Not" engraved on all of them. It was a theme continued from my wedding, and it held a special importance to me, but it was hard standing here. I hadn't been back since the funeral, and it was probably too soon, but I needed to say goodbye before we left.
"I should say something profound, but all I really want to say is don't forget about me, because I will never forget about you. I want to believe you're still with me. I want to believe you'll see this baby be born from wherever you are, because believing you are gone is just too much." I held the flowers in one hand and my mom's necklace around my neck in the other. "I just have to believe that you’re watching over me."
Brandt joined me. I split the bouquet and placed some on each gravestone, including his parents'. I stopped and turned around as we walked away.
"To new beginnings." I blew them a kiss.
