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I fell to the ground as they wrestled around the floor. "Stop. Please, stop." My exhausted plea was absorbed by the sounds of them knocking into furniture. I needed to find the strength to stop this.
"Stop!" I screamed, but they ignored me. Just as Grady was about to punch Brandt, I yelled, "I'm pregnant!" That got their attention.
"What?" Brandt asked as he shoved Grady off him.
If Grady wasn't defeated before, he was now. He sat against the wall and refused to look at me. Brandt rushed over and joined me on the floor.
"You're pregnant? But we just… Are you sure?" There was a renewed hope glowing in his eyes.
"I have to get it confirmed, but I think so."
"It hasn't even been two weeks since we…"
"I know, and it wouldn't have even crossed my mind, but the psychiatrist encouraged me to test before I started the medication. I grabbed a test when I got my pills, and I took it when you were gone."
"Why didn't you call me?" His face scrunched in disapproval.
"I wanted to be sure first." I put my head down and sneaked a glance at Grady. He didn't mean to corner me. He was just hurting, and any anchor to reality was a risk worth taking. He got up, walked past us without a word, and slammed the front door closed as he left, causing me to jump again.
"Please, don't be mad at him, Brandt. He's grasping at anything he can to come back to us, but I knew this was going to be a problem. It's not me he has feelings for. You have to believe that. I just look too much like her. He's not going to be able to move on being around me. Around us."
He sighed loudly as he sat back against the couch. He buried his hand in his hair nervously. "I know, but I'm all he has."
I took his hand. "We'll figure this out. Together."
He turned and smiled. "We're going to have a baby."
I returned the smile. "We're having a baby."
Grady returned late that night. I heard him stumbling around as Brandt and I lay in bed. I cried quietly so Brandt wouldn't hear. I wanted to go out and talk to him before the morning, but I knew it was a bad idea. I needed to stick to the plan. Brandt and I were going to talk to him in the morning together. More changes were coming. Some bad, some good. I just hoped one day we would all be together again.
I WOKE UP before Brandt. The sun was just rising, so I slid out and left the room to make coffee. Grady's door was open. My heart dropped. "Brandt!" I shouted. "Brandt, wake up." My voice was shaking. Brandt raced out of the room.
"No," he said. He rushed to my side.
"He's gone," I muttered. The closet and bathroom were empty. "Did he, at least, leave a note?"
Brandt searched the apartment, but only found Grady's cell phone.
"But how are we going to get in touch with him?" I asked, horrified.
"I think that was the idea, Bay. We can't."
I shook my head in disbelief. He cut us out. He was gone. He was doing this alone.
"This is what we wanted. He needs to move on." Brandt was trying to reassure me, or maybe he said it for himself.
"I know, but not like this. Not angry. Not with no way to reach him. How will we know if something happens to him?" Another thought pierced me. "How will he know when I'm having the baby?" Tears welled in my eyes.
Brandt walked over and took me in his arms. "He'll be back, Bay. He loves us. He just needs time. He'll be back."
But he didn't come back. He didn't call. Brandt and I had finally gone back to my parents' house, but in the end, it was just easier to have an estate sale. I packed up important papers—which wasn't more than a box—photo albums, and a few things I had to keep. I kept one of my mom's necklaces my dad gave her on their first anniversary. It was a simple silver circle tag with their initials engraved on it. She wore it all the time, but not the weekend they died.
It was strange, but I kept my sister's iPod. She was glued to her music, and I knew every time I listened to her playlists, I would picture her lying on her bed doing homework and singing off-key.
I kept a few articles of clothing that smelled like each of them and then donated the rest. I was doing surprisingly well with the whole thing. It took a few weeks to do it, but I did it, and now the house was empty.
I stood on the front lawn and stared at the For Sale sign. I had debated on keeping it, but I would never be the same person that grew up in that house, whether I was in it or not, and it wasn't home without them, so I let it go. Brandt put his arm around my shoulders.
