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Moving on felt too much like forgetting.
Levi
The sun filtered through the shades in Charlee’s bedroom, gently waking me. When I rolled over and reached out my arm to pull Charlee into me, all I found were sheets. I sighed, rolling on my back, disappointed but not surprised.
The last time I had felt this way about someone was with the first girl I had fallen for in high school. I was young and naïve and had fallen so deeply in love with her, only to have my heart broken. I became more cautious in my relationships and somewhat closed off to falling in love again, but I also hadn’t felt an intense connection until I met Charlee. While it may not be the same for her, what I felt couldn’t be ignored. The intimacy we shared had been unexpected and maybe even desperate, but there was no denying the connection between us. It was explosive and dynamic, unlike anything I had ever experienced before. And, if I were being honest, it scared the hell out of me, because I knew going down this road with Charlee would most likely end in the complete decimation of my heart, but I wasn’t ready to walk away. After what we shared last night, I was committed to seeing this through.
Grabbing my sweatpants off the floor, I pulled them on and ventured into the living area, confirming Charlee was, in fact, gone. Midnight was missing, too, so I assumed they went for a walk. While I waited for them to return, I grabbed a bottled water from the fridge and chugged it while scanning the compact trailer. It was cute, and Charlee kept it clean and simple. The only thing that adorned the walls, aside from hooks for keys and jackets, was a dog calendar open to this month, July. It was free of markings except for a broken heart drawn on July eighteenth, five days from now.
“No way,” I said, stunned, as I moved closer to get a better look. It had to be a coincidence.
Frantically, I flipped through all the months, confirming there were no other markings throughout. No doctor’s appointments or lunches with friends. Just the broken heart. Stepping back, I studied the marking once again. I was shook and immediately rewound to the first day I saw Charlee, remembering that uncanny feeling I had that I somehow knew her. A feeling that only got stronger as the days went on.
Impossible.But was it?
Holy crap. What was I going to do? Should I tell her why I was here? Would she care? Would it matter? I paced the small space, raking my hand through my hair and shaking out my fists as my unease grew.
When I heard Midnight yip outside, my heart dropped. I still didn’t know what I was going to do. The subject was delicate and might upset her. When the door cracked open, I quickly sank down on the couch, gripping my hands together tightly, trying to regain composure.
Midnight entered first, coming straight to me, her tail wagging so fast it carried her to the side. It helped ease the tension in my muscles and I smiled as I petted her. Charlee watched me apprehensively as she hung the leash on the hook, but remained silent.
“Hey,” was all I could eloquently manage. Even after sleeping with her, I still couldn’t find my words.
“Shirtless, huh?” Her eyes moved to my bare chest.
“Yeah, sorry. I just woke up and you weren’t in bed, so I just came out here to look for you.” I stood up and walked to the bedroom, grabbing my sweatshirt and pulling it on quickly as I rejoined her.
She was washing her hands at the sink when I came back. “Midnight needed to go to the bathroom.”
“Right. Makes sense.” I nervously clapped my hands together and then separated them again while glancing at the calendar and trying to muster up the courage to ask her about the date she had marked.
She turned, leaning on the counter, and followed my eyes to the calendar, but didn’t show any sign that she was affected by it. She remained quiet, watching me.
Midnight whined at my feet, so I scooped her up and sat down on the couch with her, placing her next to me. She immediately curled up against my thigh.
And then more silence. My nerves were wrecked wondering what Charlee was thinking about.
“Don’t stay on my account. I’m good. We’re good.” She waved a hand between her and me. “We don’t have to make this a thing or talk about it or anything. It was nice.” She smiled softly.
I dropped my head in my hands and raked through my hair again. Charlee was going to be the death of me. “What if I don’t want to leave?” I asked, peering up again, waiting for her eyes to find mine. When they did, an exchange of energy stretched between us, but if she felt it, she hid it well.
She crossed her arms protectively across her body and dropped her eyes to the floor. “I’m not ready for this to be more right now, Levi.”
Again, goosebumps flew across my skin when she said my name.
“I’m sorry,” she continued.
The thought that she regretted last night gutted me. I released a defeated breath as I stood up. I wanted to reach over and pull her into me, but she had turned slightly away after she apologized, leaving no room to question her intention of wanting me to leave.
After a slight pause, I said, “Okay.” I wasn’t about to argue with her, and right now was obviously not the time to bring up a date of importance we shared. I had a feeling I already knew the answer anyway, giving me all the more reason to stay, but she didn’t want me to, and I didn’t want to ruin whatever this was between us. On the way to the door, I bent down and gave Midnight a quick scratch, stalling in hopes she might change her mind.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered as I passed her, a crack in her voice indicating she was seconds from tears.
Wanting to reassure her, I reached out and squeezed her arm gently. “Don’t be.” She nodded once, but kept her eyes fixed on the floor as I walked out and closed the door.
My cloud nine feeling when I woke up quickly faded to cloud zero. The thought that she was never truly going to let me in and trust me left me feeling deflated. Today felt like two steps backward in our relationship, but now I think I understood why. Her husband was dead and my gut was telling me her husband was Bridger. I was still processing my theory, but the reason I came to Beach Break Campground right now was to pay my respects to my mentor, my friend, because I couldn’t get away last year because of my mom and sister’s accident. I was determined to come this year and that date was five days from now, July eighteenth. The very same day she had marked on her calendar.
Bridger had told me stories about this beach, including meeting his wife here. It didn’t even dawn on me that Charlee could be his wife because he had never mentioned her name, and if he had, I was probably too drunk to remember.
