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He tilted his head to me and his eyes glistened with tears. “I resented him, Char. Maybe even hated him a little bit. Growing up, I didn’t have a sibling. My dad was supportive, but I always wanted a brother. Bridger was that for me.” He wiped away a tear that fell.
I put the glass of wine down on the ground and scooted closer to him so I could rub his back, remaining silent so he could get through this.
“When he left, I lost it. I started partying hard and hooking up with random groupies. I started losing heats and just falling apart. I really messed things up.” He shook his head. “Had I known he was sick, that he was dying—” He dropped his head in his hands and rubbed his face.
“I’m so sorry, Levi. When Bridger got diagnosed, our whole world exploded. It wasn’t personal.”
He lifted his head and looked at me. “And that’s just it. I was a selfish jerk. I was so wrapped up in my own feelings, I didn’t even stop to consider why he left so quickly. I didn’t try to reach out to him to see if he was okay. I just wrote him off, and now,” he sat up straight again and cleared his throat, “and now, it’s too late to tell him what he meant to me.”
I stood up and then sat back down on his lap. He opened his arms and wrapped them tightly around my stomach and I brushed the side of his eye where another tear was escaping.
“This guilt you are carrying isn’t serving you, Levi. Bridger loved the circuit, and he was so excited when he was asked to become a mentor. We even fought over it, because I was being selfish and wanted more time with him, but surfing was his second love, and I didn’t want to keep him from that. He talked about you, you know?”
His surprised eyes found mine, and I smiled. “He did?”
I nodded. “Yes. I don’t remember him mentioning your name, but he adored you. He was really excited about your talent and passion. He was proud of you.” His smile widened. “Bridger was never one for a lot of words, but I hope you felt that when he was coaching you. We struggled getting pregnant, so having someone like you to dedicate his time to was very special for him.” I stroked his cheek again and he leaned into it.
“Thank you for that, Char.”
He tipped his chin up, and I leaned down and kissed his lips lightly. I lingered there, remembering the warmth he had brought me over the last month at the beach. I missed it. I missed having someone like this.
When I pulled away, he apologized. “I’m sorry you two were never able to have kids.”
“Thank you. That means a lot.” I brushed my hand along the side of his face one more time and then snuggled into his body. He held me tightly, and we stared out into the sky as it lit up with shooting stars. At the end of every July, there was a magnificent meteor shower, and tonight it was not holding back.
“Char?”
“Hmmm,” I responded while still fixing my eyes on the meteor shower.
“I meant what I said before. About waiting for you.”
I rose from his chest and smiled as I looked into his beautiful blue eyes. “I’d like that.”
He leaned over and kissed me. “As long as it takes,” he promised.
I sank back into his lap, perfectly comfortable with his body pressed against mine.
Being with Levi didn’t rack me with guilt anymore. If anything, I felt more like myself again. I knew I would never be the same person I was before Bridger died, but I wasn’t opposed anymore to who I was becoming after Bridger. Getting to this point in my journey might have been difficult, but I saw the other side of grief now, and it brought me a renewed sense of hope.
It was honestly an act of God to get this book polished and ready to publish. Once I was finally able to write again after my two-year hiatus, I was determined to release this book on my brother’s birthday, October 27th. With less than two months, I had to book my beta, editor, formatter, and cover designer and finish the last quarter of the book. When all of my team stepped up to support me, I knew David’s birthday was meant to be. It wasn’t easy, but it was possible.
I have to start by thanking my beta reader/development editor, Catherine Jones. She has been with me from the beginning, and without her profound insight, my books would not be where they are now. I love you to pieces, Cat.
To Paige Smith, my copy editor, thank you from the bottom of my heart for squeezing me in to your busy schedule to ensure I was able to release in what seemed an impossible timeframe. You are amazing and I look forward to many more books with you.
To Letitia Hasser, RBA Designs, I am so grateful you still had my files from what seemed to be eons ago and were willing to make adjustments after all this time. You created the perfect cover!
Thank you, Stacey Blake of Champagne Book Design, for pulling everything together and being able to get me on your schedule just in time. I’ve loved working with you.
To all my book friends, thank you so much for sticking with me after all this time. It’s been a difficult couple of years and I was so grateful to see you when I came back. Thank you for always supporting me and my words.
And finally, to my family. We’ve been to hell and back, but we are still here, and all of your support and love have made all of this possible again because we have each other. This story might not have originally been inspired by David, but it certainly transformed into it. We miss you so much, but I’ve seen your signs and I’ve embraced your messages and know death is not the end for us. Thank you for being here with me through it all. And, thank you, God. Without your Word and presence in my life, I would not have survived this lo
