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His voice grew rougher, “That bitch left me there alone. She’d been happy because she could finally leave the clan and me behind.” His anger was growing, every time he thought about how pathetic he’d been then sitting there, waiting and hoping the cruel bitch who was his mother would come back some day. The cold had killed the fire, and the howls of animals had terrified the then five-year-old. He laughed without humor, “And I waited.”
“I waited for a year, living in the cold and scavenging to eat,” he repeated once more Sabina could hear the sorrow in his voice. “Till Sakai’s wife found me, curled up at the opening. She’d gone out to gather some wood, as she and Sakai had planned to camp in the snow.” He couldn’t forget, her gentle voice as she’d gently shook him awake as Sakai carried him from the woods. The smell of sunflowers, that naturally allowed him to trust her.
He sighed, remembering the woman who’d been more mother to him than anyone else. “So, like Sakai said, they raised the child from the cave. When I turned sixteen I decided to leave to find my mother. Ironically there clan isn’t too far from here.”
Raijin looked away from her, “Like you might imagine, the clan wasn’t exactly happy to see me. They nearly killed me but luckily I escaped, and swore someday I would come back and avenge myself. I’d grind them under my foot for how they treated me.”
“And after you left, did you come back here?” Sabina asked.
He shook his head, “No, I went to war.”
“War?” Sabina repeated shocked, “Like, war, war?”
Chuckling, he nodded. “Yea, the Sengoku war was the best place for an angry, 16 years old ogre to work out his anger and feed himself. I thrived during that era, growing stronger day-by-day and learning what it truly meant to be a warrior. I watched the greatest people rise and fall during that time but like everything that time slowly came to an end until one day I decided to come back and see—.”
Sabina scooted closer, “See what?”
He didn’t respond right away, thinking over his words. His brow creased, “To see if I mattered. If I was strong enough to make them care and kneel before me for what they’d done. I wanted them to beg me to spare them. But when I got there…”
When he’d gotten there, he’d been met with the same level of hate and derision, even fear. None of that had truly affected him, what had affected was his own reaction. Why did he feel like he was small child once more being derided by his supposed people. The way his clansman had retreated when he’d told them his name had turned his stomach. As if his human face was abhorrent. While he’d lived mask-less in the human world, here among true monster he felt naked and disfigured before them.
“You don’t belong here.”
And then he’d been attacked. He was no longer the little boy others could push around. He’d lost all control becoming the very monster the clan had feared.
“I killed them.”
He said, looking down at his hands blankly. “Every single ogre who attacked me laid at my feet dead, their blood coating the ground and plants before I came back to my senses. The screams of their women only affected me after the rage had calmed. When the fury I had abated, I held the head of the clan leader, Atsuki’s father, in my hands. Without much thought I ran, I hid amongst the Veil. Doing small jobs here and there, before I was once more in Edo working for gangs for the right price. A little over a hundred years passed like that until one day the recently empowered council showed up to arrest me.”
He continued, “I could have fought them, torn them to pieces. But I was tired of running, and tired of having no place of belonging. So, I let them take me and imprison me. Hoping, maybe then I’d find some peace.”
He looked at Sabina, only to find her crying silent tears. “Why are you crying?”
She lifted a hand and pressed it gently against the side of his face, drawing it back she showed him they were wet. “Because you are.”
“You shouldn’t. I realized soon after I didn’t feel guilt, after killing them. I only regretted one thing.”
“And what’s that?”
“That she wasn’t there. That I couldn’t see that same fear in her eyes.”
He looked away from her, “I’m not someone that deserves your love, or you. I’m a monster with my own family’s blood on my hands and I don’t even regret it.”
“Raijin look at me.” She demanded.
He didn’t want to.
He didn’t want to see the disappoint or disgust he’d grown so accustomed to seeing over the years. Every time he’d encountered it, he’d ignored it. Raijin was no longer “Natsuki’ he was Raijin, a man that no one dared to fuck with. He was the face of the Jackals, and he’d exposed his weakness to a woman he, himself wasn’t even sure he could fully trust, but it was too late.
She was his oasis.
He felt his head grabbed, and with a surprised shout he fell backwards. His head landing on her lap, he looked up at her. She didn’t ask him if she could remove his mask, she unhooked the latches and removed it as she leaned down and pressed her soft lips against the center of his forehead. Lifting up, she brushed a hand through his hair.
“You’re not a monster alone,” she said, with a slight smile. “I might not have red skin and the ability to tear a man in half.” Her eyes grew dark, the pupils swallowing her eyes briefly. Raijin wasn’t scared instead he felt relief, her eyes resembled an abyss and he was more than willing to fall into them. “But I’m as scarred as you are, I’ve lost many things for being a Dark witch. Things you couldn’t imagine.”
He reached up, cupping the back of her head he brought her down as he lifted himself up taking her lips. She tasted of sin and power, her magic dancing along his skin. She was an enchantress created by Tsukuyomi, from stars and strands of night. Kissing her was magic, holding her was destiny and he regretted none of it.
They parted a witch and demon, staring into each other’s soul.
