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Midterms come and go, and soon, we’re halfway through April and finals are a month away.
I haven’t seen Holden in a few days. Both of us have been busy with classes and working opposite shifts at the lab. Jaime seems to schedule us together less and less, and I have a feeling she thinks we slack off too much when we’re together—which is true, but I miss working with him. Especially when we close together…
Naughty memories come to my mind, and I grin to myself like a fool. Flipping through Netflix from where I sit on my bed, I try to find something to watch to pass the time until I meet up with my friends for dinner later. As I settle onLove Island,my phone beeps with a text.
Holden: hey u—u home rn?
Lennox: maybe…y?
Holden: alone?
I chuckle to myself. Now who's asking who for sex?
Lennox: possibly…
Holden: answer ur door
I toss down my phone and leap out of bed. I practically run to the front door, and when I open it, there he stands with a devilish grin on his face. “So I know this might break the rules…” he says as he walks inside and closes and locks the door behind him.
With the way he says those words and the way his eyes are undressing me right now, I can’t move, frozen in place. Heat pools in my belly, and my breath catches. He stops when he’s standing in front of me, and his blue eyes have me melting into a puddle of goo on the floor. My heart rushes blood through my veins and pulses through my ears.
Why do I feel this way?
It’s just Holden…
The voice. The smell. The warmth. The comfort.
It’s just Holden…
His face hovers above mine, and he brushes his lips along my jaw, up to my ear, sending shivers down my spine. When his hot breath caresses my skin, my knees almost give out. “What ifI’mthe one who wants the escape this time?”
“Then take it. It’s all yours.”
He wastes no time. He lifts me by my ass, and I wrap my legs around his waist and my arms around his neck. When our lips collide, it’s like instant relief. We both moan at the same time and kiss with a frantic passion. He carries me to my room and kicks the door shut behind him, our lips never breaking apart.
Holden lays me down gently on my bed and starts peeling my clothes off, layer by layer. His clothes are next, and when we’re both naked, he leans back on his legs and drinks me in, his eyes roaming every inch of me. Usually, I would cover up or pull him on top of me and distract him, but with Holden, it feels…different. Safe. Trusting.
“You’re so beautiful, Len. Fucking gorgeous.”
I smile up at him. “You’re not so bad yourself.” I wink and reach up, wrapping my arms around his neck and pulling his body on mine. Not because I want to hide but because I want to feel his skin on mine. I kiss his nose, then his lips, and I slide one hand down his front until I reach his hard cock. Wrapping my hand around it, I rub him in just the way he likes best, circling around the head and down the shaft.
Then I guide him to my pussy and push him inside, his large dick stretching me open in all the best ways. We stopped using condoms a while ago, both of us testing clean and me being on steady birth control. “Mmm, it’s been too long,” I say, not meaning to let the thought slip out.
But Holden cups my cheek with one hand like he so often does and looks into my eyes. “So beautiful,” he whispers over and over as he plants soft kisses all over my face.
For some reason, this time feels different.
I ignore the thoughts and squeeze my eyes shut. I move my hips harder, faster, but Holden doesn’t keep pace and keeps slowing me back down. There’s no use fighting it. It’s already happening. It feels right and wrong in every way.
He’s always been different from all my other hookups. Gentler, kinder, slower. I let him take control when I wouldn’t let others. I let him whisper sweet nothings and call me beautiful. And I even broke one of my own personal rules—falling asleep together.
After Holden leaves, I turn on the shower and slump down onto the toilet lid. The room fills with steam, yet I just sit there, still fully clothed and staring at the tile floor.
He makes me feel things. Things I shouldn’t. Things I refuse. But mostly, things I don’t deserve.
I don’t deserve his kindness. I don’t deserve his gentleness or his sweet words. I don’t deserve any of it, yet I can’t stop taking it.
Tears slip down my cheeks, and I hastily wipe them away but they only fall harder.
