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While I wait, I call her phone on repeat, but it still goes straight to voicemail.
Fuck, Lennox. Where could you be? Why shut me out now?
My worry tripled in size since being told by Everleigh what happened to Lennox at the hands of Aaron.
I wish she’d told me, but hell, she didn’t tell anyone. And can I blame her? It must be traumatic reliving that horror over and over again. But how will she heal if she never feels?
How can I help her if she keeps shutting me out?
As we spend the day looking for her with no luck, my stomach sinks further and further. I hope she’s okay, wherever she is.
Everleigh wants to go as far as filing a missing person’s report, but I convince her to hold off for now and give Lennox a little bit more time.
“But what if something bad happened to her, Holden? We can’t just sit here and do nothing!” Everleigh cries, and I hug her close. She wails on my shoulder about what a terrible friend she’s been, how she doesn’t understand why Lennox wouldn’t tell her.
I try to comfort her, but it's hard to ignore my nagging thoughts.
It’s like being hit with a bus full of information you didn’t see coming. It is overwhelming, especially when the one person you want to process it with can’t be found.
As I say good night to Everleigh, I walk down to the beach alone. I sit in the sand and stare at the waves, the sun disappearing beneath the horizon, leaving only darkness in its place.
As the water crashes higher and higher up the shore from the tide rolling in, it dawns on me just how much I care about Lennox.
No, I don’t just care about her.
I love her.
As much as I promised her and myself that there would be no feelings, they happened anyway. Completely out of my control.
I’m hopelessly head over heels for a girl who only sees me as a friend, one with benefits she can use over and over again, and I’ve let her.I wanted her to use me.
Fuck, I used her for my own pleasure too.
But now here I sit.
With so much love for her and no way to show it.
How? How did I not see this coming? What the hell is wrong with me? There’s no way she feels the same.
She sees me as a fun friend with benefits.
I stuff my feelings away and hide them under lock and key. I’ll deny it to myself and anyone who might ask.
I’ll deny it until I believe it.
Whatever it takes not to feel it anymore.
Chapter18
Lennox
On the thirdday in the hotel, I actually shower and leave my room. I need more food and drinks so I head to a store nearby.
As I’m browsing the aisles, I round the corner and walk right into someone. A familiar smell crosses my nose, and when I look up, my suspicions are confirmed. “Landon! Shit, sorry.”
“Lennox? What the hell are you doing all the way up here?”
“I could ask you the same thing.”
