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But it’s too late. Holden’s already walking down the hallway and just as he disappears behind the door to the stairs, Nate walks through it.
I jump back inside and close the door quietly so Nate won’t see me. My heart races. Shit. How did Nate get through the buzzer downstairs? That was a fucking close call.
When I let Nate in a minute later, all I keep thinking is I wish it were Holden.
“Truth or dare, bitch.”
I groan. “I’m not drunk enough for this.”
Everleigh shoves a shot glass in my hand, the brown liquid sloshing over the side. The distinct smell of tequila fills my nose, and I swallow back my gag. It’s far from my favorite shot, but it’ll get the job done quickly. I down it and suck on the lime Everleigh pressed into my other hand. We do another round together, and the familiar warm buzz rushes through me.
It’s our first beach party since break ended, and I’ve been counting down the days. These parties are my favorite. And thankfully, I haven’t seen anyone around who I don’t want to see. “Okay, truth.”
Maia and Chloe circle us just as Everleigh opens her mouth and asks the question I’m pretty sure she’s been wanting to ask since she got back from break last week. She waited until we were at a party where we’d all be sloshed and no one would bat an eye at her. I know her tricks. She’s lucky I love her cute self. “How many booty calls did you have in our apartment during break?”
I laugh. Just the question I expected. Oh how I know her too well. “How’d I know you’d ask that?”
“Because she’s been dying to know.” Maia rolls her eyes but her grin tells she’s teasing.
“Hey, shhhh, you,” Everleigh slurs. “You don’t know anything.”
Maia snorts, and the sound makes me laugh like always. “Okayyyyy,” she says, dragging the word out.
“Does the same person count more than once?” I pretend to joke even though I’m dead serious.
“Yes.”
“Okay then…” I think to myself. I only slept with Nate. Twice. Oh wait, then the rando I found on Tinder. Shit, I forgot I joined Tinder during a weak moment one lonely night.
Ugh, do I even have to count anymore? I hate thinking about it. Even so, it shouldn’t matter. I can sleep with whoever I want and with as many people as I want. I practice safe sex, and I’m an adult. The journal I hide under my mattress has the real tally, a little slash mark for every guy I’ve slept with, but I don’t care to look. “Three.”
“That’s it?” Everleigh says, and my mouth pops open as Chloe and Maia dissolve into giggles.
“Wow, Ev. I mean, we all know how I am, but damn.”
“You know I love you. No matter how much dick you slide down.”
My mouth pops open again. “Where the hell did my sweet friend go?”
“Oh, Lenny, you know I’m not as sweet as you think. Besides, my guess was five. Maia’s guess was seven.”
“I’m done.” I throw my hands up and laugh as they both hug me and join in the laughter.
“We love you, girl. It’s all fun and games. Besides, I told Ev she needsmoredick in her life,” Maia says.
Ev rolls her eyes. “Maybe I just don’t kiss and tell.”
“Oooo, Ev’s getting freaky on the down-low!” Chloe singsongs just as her boyfriend, Tyler, appears at her side. He’s followed by the rest of the friend group. And as everyone continues to laugh and have fun, I can’t help but notice the absence in our group and the heaviness that hangs in the air. A heaviness that was never there before.
Mason’s death rocked my friends and me to the core, and now with Madison back at home and Asher keeping himself nonstop busy, the absences feel even bigger.
I catch Holden’s gaze from across our circle, and he smiles, offering me a small wave. I haven’t seen him since the night we hung out. I thought he might have reached out before break was over, but he never did, and neither did I. Once Everleigh and Maia were back in town, I forgot all about it honestly. Keeping myself busy prevents thoughts and feelings from piling up in my head. Because fuck if I need any of those. They only cause problems.
“I saw my buddy sneaking out of your apartment last week, Lennox,” Landon says as he takes a seat next to me around the bonfire. I freeze at his words, hoping no one else heard him.
“And? Your point?”
“When’s it gonna be my turn again?” He nudges me, and I notice Holden sneaking glances our way and trying to pretend he’s deep in conversation with Remi and Rhett. I’ve seen this group interact enough to know when he’s not paying attention.Or maybe you just notice Holden too much…
