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His hand swipes down his face, his shoulders slumping at the breakfast table. At least he’s looking properly ashamed, even if he’s not admitting it.
Good. Feel bad, jerk.
I convince Sunder that I’m capable of going for a walk without his protection. I think he must be feeling guilty because he only fought me for about five minutes instead of refusing to discuss it and just following me.
The midmorning sun beats down, warming me despite the chill in the air. I walk for a while to clear my head and think about what I need to say before finally calling her.
On the third ring, Lisa answers. Her warmth reaches me through the phone.
“Heyyy! How was your cabin-cation?”
“It was… something.”
“Did you seal the deal with Sunder? Did he… sunder you yet?”
“Yuck. No.” I chuckle a bit. Leave it to Lisa. She can always lift my spirits.
“Well, why the hell not?” her voice squeaks.
I shift uncomfortably, transferring the phone to my opposite ear. “Eh… it’s not really like that. We’re… just friends.”
The words were thick in my mouth. Lying to Lisa isn’t something I can stomach, but I know I can’t tell her the truth. It’s better to pull off the Band-Aid and just do it. I know she’s going to see through it, but I also know that I don’t have any other truths to offer her.
She snorts, and I realize very quickly that I was an idiot to try to lie.
“No. You and I are friends. He’s a hunk of man meat. It’s almost Christmas. He gonna stuff your stocking? SpreadyourChristmas cheer. Empty Santa’s sack?”
“Oh God. Stop,” I shake my head, cringing as I laugh.
“Nope. You made me wait a week for this update, and I will use every single line I thought of while you were away. Jingle his bells. Ride his sleigh. Okay, I’m done. So tell me more about your newfriend?”
“Fine, maybe friend isn’t the right word, but I don’t know what he is to me.”
“Well, let’s start with how you feel about him.”
I grimace as I make my way into the park, hoping the autumn leaves will cheer me up.
“Confused? Sometimes, I get these glimpses of him where he’s totally vulnerable and soft. Other times… he pushes me away.”
“Listen, you just met this guy. It’s not like some lifelong committed relationship that you need to work to salvage. If he’s already hot and cold in the honeymoon phase, then I think you should just drop him. On to the next, you know?”
It’s sound advice for a regular guy. But he’s an eternal commitment, bound to my soul apparently. I pull in a deep breath, feeling run down. A sadness creeps in.
My soulmate is an asshole.
At least part of him is. The other part is Bobble. And he’s… everything to me. I bite my lip, reminding myself that it’s not Sunder I’m doing this for.
“I have some more news… I put in my notice yesterday, and then I quit a couple of hours later.”
“WHAT?”
“And I’m about to sell everything I own and spend the next year traveling the world like I always said I would,” I manage to squeak out in one breath.
“HOLD UP. Wha — What the fuck? Where did… what? I–”
I laugh a bit as Lisa’s brain breaks like mine did when Sunder came into my life.
“I know. I know. It’s partially Sunder’s influence. He’s encouraging me to branch out and fulfill these things that I’ve had on my bucket list for a long time.”
