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I want Mira’s love.
I glance at her sleeping head, remembering the first time I saw her. Drunk, walking down the dirty city sidewalk hiccupping and ranting about divorce rates.
I look back at our bickering in the car and at the farm with fondness. She never puts up with my nonsense and calls me out on it regularly. Mira is kind to me, even when I’m not. She playfully teases me, her bratty behavior begging to be dominated. She is smart, beautiful, and funny. Her natural ability with Chroma is, if I’m honest with myself, astounding.
Sighing, I listen to her steady breaths. I lean down to kiss the top of her head lightly, whispering, “I’m sorry.”
I am not worthy of her. Especially since she is my mate, but mostly because she is who she is.
And I am who I am.
And from now on, I’m going to do my best to prove that I am worthy of a woman like Mira.
Chapter Thirty-One
Mira
I wake the next morning to a knock at the door. Sunder is nowhere to be seen, but Bobble looks towards the door as well, whiskers twitching. We exchange a quick glance before I call out, “Who’s there?”
“It’s me,” Sunder’s voice echoes.
I stand slowly, stretching fully. It’s a relief to sleep in a proper bed. Slipping on the plain white dress from the previous night, I open the door to find Sunder standing in the hallway, holding a tray of food. His hair is messy, and he looks more haggard than handsome, his eyes red from exhaustion.
I step aside, gesturing for him to enter.
“You look like hell,” I tell him, smirking slightly.
“Breakfast,” he offers in a tone that’s unsure, making my anxiety spike. He’s always so certain, so confident. What’s rattled him?
“Thanks,” I say, accepting a coffee and croissant-like pastry from him. We settle down on the bed in silence. The first sip of coffee always transports me into a moment of ecstasy, where the world fades away. I sigh contentedly, smiling at the bold taste.
Sunder watches me intently, and I furrow my brows, questioning.
“What?” I ask, suspicious. Here it comes… He’s probably about to tell me he’s going to jail for last night or something. Do they even have jail here?
“I’ve been thinking about the other day, after the Keepers…when we…”
My heart pounds as I smell the blood again and see the gore flash before my eyes. I grimace slightly, but I know he’s referring to our bonding attempt. I look away, eyes falling to the floor, feeling the sting of disappointment anew.
“Did you figure out why it didn’t work?” I ask casually, striving to keep my voice steady. I’m doing a damn good job, if I do say so myself.
There’s not even a hint of the anguish that I feel in my words.
“No, not that. I mean… No I haven’t but… that’s not what I’m…,” he stammers.
I lift my chin and meet Sunder’s gaze. The familiar sadness I sometimes glimpse is there, waiting for me.
“Are you okay?” I inquire, worried.
Sunder nods, then sighs and shakes his head. He takes a deep breath before continuing.
“Why are you so nice to me? I’ve done nothing but be a complete prick to you. I belittled you when we first met. I doubted you over and over. I never should have stormed off. It was unacceptable, and you didn’t deserve that. You should hate me.”
My heart breaks for him and for me. Logically, I know he’s right. I deserve better, and it makes me so happy that I can acknowledge that with no doubts. But my feelings don’t change. There’s more to him than the brute he often shows. I’ve seen glimpses of his quiet softness.
Will I ever learn? Will I ever be more than a doormat?
“I know,” I reply softly. Yet… he’s acknowledging that he was wrong. Sunder meets my gaze with an intensity I feel in my heart. I’m shocked to see a forming tear in his red eyes.
