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“What? What’s gotten into you today? You’re not talking,” she said as she came to the table and took a chair of her own.
“ April, I think we should talk.”
She looked taken aback, questioning what her husband could possibly need to discuss just as he arrived home. Usually they just chatted about their days. Nothing serious enough happened in their lives that they needed to talk like this with each other.
Her heart pounded in her chest. Did something happen at work? Was he fired? Or maybe he’d gotten into a car accident and now they’d need to scrape together the money to buy another car.
Carl cleared his throat and looked into April’s eyes. “I think we should get a divorce.”
The only thing that floated through April’s mind was their wedding day. She thought about her dress, walking down the aisle to the love of her life. Or who she thought was the love of her life. Now, she wasn’t so sure. “What do you mean?”
It felt like time stood still. She questioned whether she heard him wrong.
“I think we should get a divorce,” he repeated.
It echoed in April’s mind. The words that would change her life from this point on. It felt like she’d run into a wall of bricks. The wind was knocked out of her; she knew she wouldn’t be able to stand even if she wanted to. “Carl, what are you talking about?”
His brows furrowed together. “Haven’t you felt it? This distance between us? It feels like we’ve been drifting apart for ages. And now that Georgia has left for college, I feel like it’s time.”
Couldn’t even wait a week, she thought to herself.Just after she leaves for college, you’re running like you can’t get away from me fast enough.
The man stared at her as her blood began to boil. Fury rose in her chest. After everything they’d done together. After everything she’d done for him. It was about to be thrown away as if it was nothing.
“Just like that? I can’t believe this is really happening right now,” she said aloud. April looked down at the ground, barely able to stomach looking at her husband of nineteen years. They wouldn’t even make it to their twentieth anniversary, which April was looking forward to.
“Is this really that big of a shock to you?” Carl asked, sincerely wondering.
“Yes!” she yelled. “It’s a huge shock! You just came in here while I was prepping for dinner and told me you want a divorce!”
Carl reached out to touch April’s hand, but she pulled away, disgusted by the conversation so that she couldn’t even think about touching him. “I just assumed you also felt this drift. I have things that I want to do. Dreams I have, accomplishments.”
“That’s your plan now? Dreams and accomplishments?”
“Yes, I want to travel the world. There are things I want to do, and I just… have to do them alone. I want excitement and adventure.”
The words sounded familiar in April’s head. She’d been thinking those same things for quite a while now. It felt like a dream, or maybe a nightmare. She wasn’t sure which. Carl leaned forward, getting as close to her as he could. “I’m sorry it has to be like this. I didn’t think you would be so surprised.”
April thought about it for a moment. Devastation was the only way to describe the feeling of her chest sinking to the bottom of an ocean. But she couldn’t think about that right now. She was certain this divorce would ruin her, but if she thought about this moment for too long, she knew she would lose control of all emotion.
Instead of arguing with Carl, she could only muster enough courage to ask, “What kind of dreams?”
“I’ve always imagined myself traveling the world. I’d go around country to country, learning about new cultures, finding ways to better myself, getting out into nature. And of course, I would visit circuses at each stop.”
That stopped April in her tracks. “I’m sorry, you want to travel the world to see different circuses?” April’s first thought was that he was making a joke. She wasn’t even sure if that was the right word for more than one circus. Who was this man she’d been married to?
This wasn’t the guy she wanted to spend the rest of her life with. That man wanted to settle down. He’d told her that they needed to work hard and get things done so that they could achieve their dreams. But she guessed now that it wasn’t their dreams she was working towards, it was just his.
And his dream felt ridiculous.
“Yes, I want to travel the world and watch all different kinds of performances by the circuses.”
She had to bite her tongue to keep from laughing. At least in her pain there was some humor. She couldn’t imagine Carl at a circus. Sitting there with popcorn in his lap, watching a man twirl around a baton and people do acrobatics. They’d never even talked about a circus before.
Out of everything Carl could have said he’d like to do, he chose the circus.
“Are you joking with me?”
He shook his head. “No, this is my dream. And I want to do this, alone. I think it’s in both of our best interests.”
