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“I hate that I think you’re right. He was different before we became someone.”
“I definitely liked him better then. Did you notice how many times he had his phone out and was taking pictures at Avery’s wedding?”
I let out an exhausted sigh. “Unfortunately, I did.”
“Well, for what it’s worth, I’m sorry you’re hurting, but I’m glad it’s over.”
“That’s the thing . . . I’m not hurting. At least not over him,” I say, my voice just above a whisper.
A long pause falls over us as we stare at each other.
“Ah, I see,” she says. All I see is her head with big black sunglasses and the word Chanel printed tiny in the corner.
“I should feel bad for feeling this way, right? For missing someone else and not my boyfriend.” A piece of my messy bun has fallen loose so I tuck it behind my ear.
“Em, Justin hasn’t been your boyfriend for a long time. He’s been like a distant family member or an acquaintance, just someone you see every now and then. But Clay—I swear it’s like you’ve grieved the loss of him for months and months, and you never even had him.”
“Right, so why do I feel like this? Even I know I’m bordering on ridiculous.”
I watch as she thinks about this, picks up a very pink fruity drink, takes a sip, and then sets it down. “I don’t know, but you’re free now, so what are you going to do about it?”
My shoulders sag forward. I feel defeated, and I haven’t even done anything. “What is there to do? He’s made it pretty clear how he feels about me. He called me a cheater and told me I had bad character.”
“That was then, this is now. I think you should make your move.”
“Make my move?” An awkward laugh breaks free, and I pull my knees up in front of me. “Did you not see how much he avoided me at the wedding? It was like he couldn’t stay far enough away from me. In fact, it’s been like that for a solid year. Besides, if he wanted me, truly wanted me, wouldn’t he have pursued me twelve months ago? If he wanted this, us, wouldn’t he have said or done something? I understand somewhere along the way he found out about Justin, but instead of fighting for me, he walked away. Not even so much as a peep.”
“He was into you. Avery and I both saw it, but as for fighting for you, what was he supposed to be fighting for? You weren’t together. It was one night, and I imagine now that he knows all of us more, in his mind, you were never his in the first place. You can’t tell me you don’t see things from his perspective.”
“I just don’t know what to do. He doesn’t talk to me, like at all, and he goes out of his way to avoid me. It’s as if we never happened.”
“What we need to do is come up with a three-step plan for you to win him back.”
“Three-step plan,” I deadpan just as a pigeon lands on the windowsill. I am surrounded by fat squatty gray birds and she’s surrounded by sleek white ones, yet both are rats with wings.
“Yeah. This can work.” She sits up in her navy and white striped lounge chair. Her skin is golden and sun-kissed.
“I’m pretty sure you can’t win back something you never had.” I bang on the glass, startling the bird, and it flies away.
“Would you stop being such a downer? And I don’t care what you say, the boy was into you.”
“Maybe. Or maybe he got what he wanted and then he was done.”
I still dream about that night at his apartment in Nashville. Clay worshiped every inch of me, and it seemed no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t get close enough to me. I think if he could have crawled inside me and stayed there, he would have. I don’t think anyone has ever been into me as much as he was that night.
“We are talking about the same guy, right? The same guy we’ve never ever seen with another woman. I mean I could be wrong, but Clay doesn’t strike me as the type of guy to love ’em and leave ’em.”
I let out a sigh, and as she moves, more of her surroundings come into view: palm trees overhead, the vacation house in the background, blue skies. “It’s so beautiful where you are.”
“If by beautiful you mean miserable and deceiving, then sure.” She frowns and shrugs one shoulder.
“I’m sorry.”
Once a year, Cora plays her part and goes on the family holiday trip. It’s always somewhere different, and her parents hire a full staff of people, including a photographer who takes photos of the family like they are loving and devoted to each other. With going on this trip, they’ve come to a mutual agreement, and her family rarely asks for anything else from her.
“Is what it is, but back to you. Here’s what you need to do.” She glances off to the side as she thinks and then looks back at the screen. “First, you need to penetrate the wall. He’s built this concrete fortress around himself, closing you out, so you need to find a way to break through it, and once you do that, it leads to step two.”
I already have my doubts.
