AllFreeNovel
Share Us
While Cora and Emma are wearing burnt orange to match the fall season, Ash, myself, Juliet, and Bryce are all in black. Juliet is in the same dress as Emma and Cora, but since she is standing up on the groom’s side, black makes the most sense. No one cares anyway, and it’s what Ash wanted.
Most sane people would accept that this thing with Emma wasn’t meant to be and move on, but here I am, anger and heat rising inside me like the tide, staring at a girl whose boyfriend is literally just a few feet away sitting in the small audience. At least I’m assuming it’s her boyfriend. It’s the same guy I saw last year.
Last year, when Ash and I were in New York, he went to drop off Avery’s Christmas present and I jumped at the opportunity to see Emma. After our night over Thanksgiving weekend in Nashville, we texted daily, and she knew I was coming. She told me she couldn’t wait to see me. I was supposed to meet her at their condo, but as I was strolling down the block on the Upper West Side, trailing behind Ash as he moved with purpose, a flash of purple caught my eye, and that was when I saw her . . . saw them.
Ever have that moment where your mind can’t register what it’s seeing? Well that was me. I saw her grinning from ear to ear as she jogged down the sidewalk one block over from us and across the street, and she leaped into the arms of another guy.Another guy!Keeping her body pressed up against his, she wrapped her legs around his waist as he pulled her to him and kissed her. It wasn’t a friendly kiss either; it was anI’m going to devour you, right here right nowkiss. She didn’t fight it either; she accepted it most willingly.
Of course I froze where I was, causing the person behind me to bump into me as confusion crashed over me. Blinking, I watched the two of them as my heart cracked in my chest. He swung her around and she laughed with happiness that knocked the wind from my lungs. Christa, the only girlfriend I’ve ever really had, cheated on me. We were together for almost two years, and as cliche as it sounds, I found her in our bed with another guy after Ash and I decided to go home early from one of our weekends on the road. I swore I’d never let myself get hurt like that again, yet there I was watching this scene unfold after just an hour before she’d claimed she wanted to take me to some of her favorite places in the city. Only, I was set to be at her apartment in the next few minutes, and she wasn’t going to be there. She stood me up.
I’ve always been the type of person who trusts completely. It’s assumed, a given—until it’s lost, and that day, on the sidewalk under a cloudy sky, she lost mine. What I don’t do are liars and cheaters. Character is important to me. I value that about myself, even with the fame, and I deserve better. Hell, I deserve the best. It’s what I give to others, so why can’t it be given to me?
I never confronted her after that. I dropped all communication. She tried repeatedly to reach out to me, but why would I take that call? What I saw, it was the ending period to our story. I had zero interest in listening to her stories or excuses, none of them would have made me feel better or justified what she had done, and that was my decision to make. Not hers. Mine.
My eyes slide from her to the guy sitting in the third row. He’s smiling at her so affectionately, and I grind my teeth together. He looks like a decent guy, and I can’t help but wonder if he knows who she really is. It’s none of my business, that’s their mess to unfold, so I let out a deep breath and shake them from my thoughts.
Today is about Ash. Today is about my best friend. That’s all that matters.
It’s at this moment that Ash turns to me and asks for the rings. His eyes are glassy with love and happiness, and I feel mine swell as well. The minister proceeds through the ceremony, I watch as my best friend slides that dainty ring onto her finger and she slides one onto his, they speak their vows to each other, and he declares them husband and wife. The guests cheer as we’re all caught up in the moment.
Pulling Avery into his arms, Ash gently dips her backward and kisses her so reverently it’s impossible to not feel smothered in their love. That is until I glance up and find Emma looking at me. There are happy tears in her eyes, and damn, she’s so beautiful my heart thumps hard in my chest and I find it difficult to breathe.
This sucks.
Exit the ceremony together, check.
Wedding party photos together, check.
Announcement at the reception together, check.
My one saving grace is that we don’t have to sit together. Ash and Avery are sitting by themselves, and she’s placed each of us at tables with our own families. There are roughly fifty people at this wedding, so we’re all spread out under the tent nicely.
Leaning over Bryce, who’s sitting between us, Juliet asks, “What’s the deal with you andEmma? I thought you were friends.”
I glance toward our parents, who are oblivious to what she just asked me. Good thing too or my mother would be giving me the inquisition.
Juliet met Emma last Christmas after we crashed at her parents’ house, which is just a few down from Ash’s, after Avery came to the lake to be with Ash. We wanted to give them space; they needed it.
“We are friends,” I tell her, using that word loosely. No one needs to know what happened between us. It’s embarrassing for me, and although I have no reason to protect her, I’m not sure if this is something that should be shared. I mean, it’s the same guy. Clearly she was with him before me, and she’s still with him after me.
I reach for the cider beer in front of me and take a large swallow of it.
“Could have fooled me. The way you’ve been glaring at her for the last twenty-four hours doesn’t look too friendly.” She stretches her arm out across the back of Bryce’s chair; he’s looking down at my phone, playing some game he downloaded.
I let out a sigh and internally curse myself. I need to let this go.
“Just d-drop it, okay?” I say under my breath as I put the glass down.
Her brown eyes slowly roam over my face and then soften. Her curiosity has flipped to pity, and that’s the last thing that I want.
It’s at this moment the wedding coordinator pops up next to me and informs me it’s time for me to give my best man’s speech, a speech that for most of my life I’ve dreaded having to give. I knew one day it was coming, and now here we are. Today is that day.
Why am I dreading it? Because I stutter when I speak, and it absolutely gets worse in high-anxiety situations.
Doctors don’t know why I stutter. They say there are four factors that play into this type of issue: genetics, language development, brain structure and function, and environment. No one else in my family stutters, so we’ve ruled out genetics. Clearly as an adult I’ve passed the part that includes language development, which leaves how my brain works. Stuttering is a condition that happens when the muscles used for speaking twitch or move uncontrollably while talking.
One percent of the population stutters, and there is no known cure. I’ve been to therapy, I’ve practiced all their techniques over and over again, and I’ve prayed that it would magically go away in adulthood, but it hasn’t.
If you go back to the factor of environment, yes, my stuttering gets worse when I’m emotional, tired, stressed, anxious, or excited. All of these act as triggers, and it can worsen. I always know what I want to say, but sometimes it’s so difficult to get out I find I’m just better off not speaking and giving facial cues instead. A lot can be said through expressions, and while those closest to me can understand me perfectly, it’s days like today where that won’t work.
