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“What do you mean? I think I work pretty hard to prove my loyalty to people. I’m kind, trustworthy, affectionate, and I’m always there if you need me.”
“Yes, you are absolutely there for all of us, but sometimes I worry that you’re not there for yourself. I’ve always known you like structure, but this makes me worry because I didn’t realize you were so inflexible. You didn’t have to permanently move to Palm Springs, but you could have gone with him, spent time with him, strengthened what you had. And as for Clay, did you even consider moving or spending more time at the lake? Even I know that is where his family is, of course he wants to be there. But all I’m hearing from you is that you expected both of them to give while you won’t. Where’s the compromise? Where’s the love for the other person’s dream? You have to share.”
I think about what she’s saying, and hearing it come from her, I don’t like it. Is that how they all see me? As inconsiderate and stubborn? Like it’s my way or the highway?
“I hear what you are saying, and I’ll think on that more, but I don’t think you’re right. I was very agreeable to Justin, all the time, for years, and you’re not asking the right question. The question is, did Clay ever consider spending time here with me? The answer is no. He made me feel like my wants and feelings aren’t as important as his. He made it seem like the compromise was all or nothing on my part, and that’s not fair. Don’t you want me to be with someone who values what’s meaningful to me?”
“Emma,” she says in a chiding tone.
“What!” I hate how this conversation is going.
“I guess I just never took you for a coward.”
“Oh my God. I don’t even understand how what I just said to you fits with this. It’s like we’re having two separate conversations. And how can you say that to me? You’re supposed to be my friend!” My heart is now pounding in my chest causing it to ache.
“I am being your friend. This is what the best of friends do—they tell you when you’re wrong and when you’ve messed up.”
“Cora, I told him I loved him, and he said nothing.”
She frowns. “Did you give him time to absorb that, or did you just say it and run off?”
My eyes widen.
“I know you. You like to have the last word, which is super cute to me, but maybe in this case you should have given him a chance to respond. Maybe you should have given him a chance to elaborate and respond on a lot of things. Clay has never come across as a selfish guy, and I know deep down you know that.”
She’s right about me needing to have the last word. I was adamant about leaving nothing unsaid, and I think she might be right about me being a coward too. I was afraid to hear what he would say next.
I am afraid to hear what he has to say. It’s the reason I didn’t take his call.
And he’s not selfish. Over and over again, he’s proven that. He’s always there for Ash, Juliet, and Bryce. Without question, he took me into his home, he trusted me to play his song with him, and he planned the most amazing night for me. I know if I asked him to split time, he would. Why didn’t I ask that?
“Oh, Cora,” I groan as I drop my head and start rubbing my forehead.
“Since the night we met them, I have commented on the way Clay looks at you. All three of us saw it was love at first sight, only the two of you didn’t. That hasn’t changed. When you stepped off the stage at the CMT Awards, Avery reached over and squeezed my arm, because again we both saw it.”
“Saw what?” I look back at her.
“That he thinks you hung the moon.”
Tears fill my eyes, because the truth is, I think he placed the stars.
“Why is a location more important than being loved by him?” she asks.
I inhale sharply. I said the same thing, but when it’s put back on me, I don’t like it. It hurts. No place is more important than he is, and my loyalty should lie with him, with us.
“It’s not,” I whisper.
She gives me a small, closed-mouth smile.
“How do I fix this?”
She sets down her cup, stands, and slips into her coat. “I might have helped you with your three-step plan, but this one you have to do on your own.” She walks over to me, bends down, and hugs me. “I love you, but it’s time. Get off your butt and go get your man.”
Cora leaves, and as I sit there, I take in the silence. It’s way too silent. I want nails clicking on the floor, the low sound of a guitar as new chords are made, and his laughter. He said he wanted me, and I have to believe he still does, because I want him. I want it all and I want it now.
Without calling Ash or Avery, because quite frankly I need them to not be a part of this, I think of the only other person who would know what is going on with Clay and where I might find him. Knowing I’m not her favorite person, I make the decision to suck it up, put my fears aside, and call her.
“Juliet. Hi, it’s Emma.”
