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We stare at each other, and eventually I concede and let out a deep sigh.
“Okay, I gave you your time, I gave you space, but seeing the conditions in here, I’m worried I waited too long. What happened in Austin? Because based on what we all saw at the awards show, sparks were flying, and none of this makes any sense.”
My stomach tightens as I think about the night after the show. The things we did, how tangled up in each other we were, and if I’m being honest with myself, by morning it was definitely love we were sharing with each other.
Not wanting to cry, I take a sip of the hot latte and try to think up the best way to sum up everything that was said that last morning.
“He asked me to move to the lake.”
Her brows rise. “Really,” she drags out, her eyes lit up with excitement.
“Yep.” I frown, letting her know this is not something to be happy about, and her brows pull down, forming those two little lines between her eyes.
I look around my condo, and instant fondness for the space I’ve created floods me. I love the layout and I love the view. I’m fortunate enough to be able to afford a space this big, and so many of the pieces of furniture and artwork I have were found in unique places not only in the city, but while we were on tour, and they have a story. I get that Clay put blood, sweat, and tears into his place, but so did I.
“So, from the vibes I’m picking up, I need you to explain to me why this is a bad thing. He wants you permanently in his home. He used the words, ‘Move to the lake.’ Why don’t you want to go live and be with the one guy you’ve moped around about and pined after for almost a year and a half?”
“You don’t understand.” My heart squeezes in misery.
“You’re right, I don’t. Explain it to me.” She leans back into the couch and props her feet up on the coffee table in front of her.
“My parents were overprotective. I was a late-in-life surprise and they adored me. I’m not saying this is a bad thing, but in a way, I never felt settled. I walked on eggshells to make them happy and had this fear of upsetting them or disappointing them. I went to their parties, was friends with their friends, and even though I had my brother, he was so much older that in a way I felt like I was an only child. They didn’t want me to move to New York. It was too far and it made them nervous. But I went anyway, and I made New York my home. For the first time I could breathe and just be me. I found myself and my place here. This is my home.”
She nods. I know she understands about parents. Hers are awful, and well mine just helicoptered so much that I didn’t feel like I ever truly got to be me. I wasn’t allowed to stretch my wings.
“No one is telling you to leave it forever. Did you even ask him about splitting time? From what I know, Clay seems like a reasonable guy.”
“We didn’t get that far. He was all, ‘When can I see you again?’ and ‘How is this going to work?’ and ‘Avery moved to the lake, why won’t you?’”
“Avery,” she whispers, nodding her head like more of this conversation is suddenly making sense. Well I wish she would make it make sense to me. Avery and I are so different. He knows this.
“I get why Avery moved, and I’m sure you do too,” I tell her. “All Clay said about New York was that he would visit me here.” I look down at the latte, breaking eye contact. White chocolate and lavender waft my way. Just replaying him saying that makes me feel insignificant and ridiculously sad. Why doesn’t he see how important this place is to me?
“Avery and I always wondered why you never moved to Palm Springs,” she says.
“What?” My gaze flies to hers, and my cheeks flush with anger. “Why was that even discussed? Why do people discuss me when they could just talk to me? Ask me?” My voice is animated. She’s hit a nerve and she doesn’t even know it.
She holds her hands up, one still clutching her drink. “Whoa! Where is this coming from?”
“Clay talked to Avery about me too!”
I can just see it now, them all sitting around the fire discussing my failed relationship with Justin and all my faults. It makes my stomach ache, and I feel somehow violated. Who I am and what I do or don’t do is no one’s business but mine.
“I know you don’t see it this way, but he has a relationship with Avery. She is now family to him, so it makes sense, and it’s probably easy for him to ask about you. They have that as a shared common connection, and he probably sees her all the time. I think it’s probably pretty normal for them to talk about all of us.”
“Well, I don’t like it, and he implied that he was questioning her because he’s unsure about me. That’s not fair.”
“If that was his intent, then no, that is not fair—but did you ask him what they talked about? Or are you just assuming the worst?”
“No, I didn’t ask him. The whole conversation was bad, and it was hard not to assume the worst. You didn’t see the way he was looking at me.” I take another sip of the drink, loving the flavor. “And I didn’t move to Palm Springs because . . . why would I?”
“Maybe because you were in a relationship with someone who lived there. Our job doesn’t require us to be in one spot day in and day out. Justin’s does.”
“Well, it wasn’t supposed to be forever like he made it. I didn’t see the point, and his job is just a job—he could have found one here if he really wanted to. In fact, he told me over and over he would, and the loyal, trustworthy person that I am, I believed him.”
“I never realized you were so unamendable.”
It’s like the punches just keep on coming and my jaw drops.
