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I’m glad it hasn’t been awkward since our fight yesterday. I actually feel closer to him.
Lolita’s advice echoes in my mind.Communicating vulnerably isn’t instinctive. We must learn that, together.
I like learning with Matthew.
“Me too.” I lead us toward the fantasy section. “I’d always stuff a suitcase with books when we’d make our summer resort trips. The books would get read quickly, and my dad got tired of sending the hotel staff out to get me new ones from the local bookstore. So, we added libraries to the resorts.” I smile at the happy memories, the ones I try to cling to.
“I can only imagine all five-foot-three of you hoisting a suitcase up these stairs,” he laughs.
“I don’t think I was even five feet tall, but I was determined.”
“Not much has changed.” He winks.
Why was that so hot?
“Did you spend a lot of time reading as a kid?” I pluck a random book off the shelf.
“Yes.” He stills beside me, craning his neck to read the spines. “A family of eight under one roof turns into chaos rather swiftly. Reading was how I escaped the noise.” He tells me about some books he’s loved. I hang on to his every word, entranced.
“Ah, I’m sure you caused a ton of trouble sitting beneath the covers of your race car bed, readingThe House of Mirth,” I giggle.
“A ton,” Matthew says sarcastically and runs his hand through his hair. “Also, no race car bed. But I did like to collect model car replicas.”
“Will you show me your collection during Christmas?”
He studies me for a moment. Was talking about the holidays too presumptuous? He invited me to his family’s annual party when we first arrived, but maybe he didn’t mean it. Or perhaps he was being polite.
“I can, though I’m pretty sure my sisters painted all my cars pink.”
“Your sisters have good taste.” I put my book back and stroll forward. “It’s funny how different our experiences are. I escaped loneliness through books, while you sought quiet.”
“You’re not alone now.”
Now.Because we have an expiration date. I doubt either of us wants to talk about what happensafterall of this. For the first time in my life, I want to live in the present. With Matthew.
“So.” I keep wandering through the shelves. “What should we read?”
“Maybe one of your favorites?” His striking eyes concentrate on me, as if I’m more fascinating than the stories hiding on the shelves.
Matthew’s behavior makes me feel significant. It’s like every time he looks at me, nothing else matters but me. Maybe I’m imagining it. But I’d like to live in the fantasy a while longer.
“I’m not sure I could pick just one.” I sigh, running my fingers over random spines. “Should we go to war, or on a quest?”
“Let’s go to war,” he says decisively. “Perhaps there’s something with elves?”
“I know just the thing.” Two rows over, I squat down, looking for a copy of one of my favorites. “Hmm, it’s not here.” I stand up and scan the shelves. The dark spine with purple lettering sits right in the corner at the top of the bookcase. I tiptoe for it.
“Let me.” He leans over me. Vetiver and musk hit my senses. “This one?” he asks. I gulp and nod. He retrieves the copy ofThe Stone Court.
“Thank you,” I croak, taking the book from him and tilting my head up to meet his gaze.
“What’s it about?”
Matthew hasn’t taken a step back, and I don’t want him to.
I just need to keep being this version of myself. Confident, unafraid. Anything to keep his gaze locked onto mine. My heart thuds.
“A corrupted kingdom and Serienna, their griffin-riding savior. She’s also an elf,” I explain as succinctly as possible. “But we could pick something else…”
