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I had been calm and collected. I’d even winked, like embarrassing myself in front of Jenny and Noah had all been a part of the plan. Lies. I was unraveling.
By myself in the apartment, I sat on the floor with my back against the couch and stared off into space, telling myself not to freak out. I had an elastic hair tie around my wrist, and I snapped it absently, needing to stay in the present. It didn’t work. No matter how hard I tried, there was one moment I couldn’tNOTthink about.
Friends hugged. Friends did not kiss each other on the neck. I blamed Denver’s scrumptiously scented skin.Thatwas our first kiss. And possibly our last. I’d finally gotten used to us as friends. Sometimes flirty, and sometimes combative, but always just friends. We’d never crossed that line. I was pretty sure I’d just crossed it.
I dropped my face in my hands. I wasn’t sure what had come over me. This was Denver. How could I fall for Denver? What did that even mean?
And what did tonight mean for him? I had turned our goodbye hug into something else entirely, and I didn’t even know if he was okay with it.
I would not apologize.
No, the Sadie way was to plow forward like I’d meant to do it, and nothing was wrong with it. We would just have to discuss it like mature adults and set up some ground rules for moving forward. At least I had until Monday to think about what those ground rules would be.
I glanced at the door. Jenny would come back soon after saying goodnight to Noah. They’d have already discussed me to death, and she’d come back here expecting answers. I had no answers. Just a lot of questions.
My best bet was to go to bed and be so deep asleep she couldn’t interrogate me. I took a quick shower, dressed for bed, brushed my teeth, plugged in my phone to charge overnight and jumped into bed.
Now all I needed was the actual sleeping to happen. A half hour went by, and I was still staring at the ceiling, watching the fan blades go round as they made shadowy patterns in the dark.
My phone buzzed with a text. Jenny probably forgot her key.
Denver: We can’t leave things like this. I can’t have the first time I see you again be with Wendy and Rob sitting there.
Things were worse than I’d thought. He wanted to hash it out now so we could act like professionals on Monday. Maybe I did need to apologize.
Sadie: I’m sorry. I got carried away. It won’t happen again.
I cringed. Carried away? I mean, it was true, but I hated how it sounded. Like I couldn’t help myself. Like I’d been caught in a wave of wanting, a wave that was still crashing over me no matter how much I wished it away.
Denver: It better happen again.
I kicked off my covers and sat up. What? No, he was just being flirty. Helping me save face. I told the cheerleaders doing kicks and tossing up their pom-poms in my stomach to calm the heck down.
Sadie: It can’t happen again. We work together.
Denver: Is it Isaac?
Wow. Where had that come from? Isaac, the flower guy from the restaurant, had been texting me since we exchanged numbers the other night. Mostly to ask about me and Denver until I threatened to block him. He hadn’t mentioned Carmen. If he was interested in her like I’d assumed, his long game was strong.
Sadie: Isaac is just a friend.
Denver: Like how we’re just friends?
Touché
Sadie: No.
I heard Jenny coming in and dived under my covers with my phone, laughing to myself at how pointless that was in a one-bedroom apartment.
Sure enough, moments later Jenny pulled my covers back. I let out a squeal. “Go away.”
“Are you on the phone with him?” Jenny mouthed.
“No.” I put my phone to sleep and stuck it underneath me.
She put her hands on her hips. “Then what are you doing?”
I stole my covers back and pulled them up to my chin. “I don’t know. Mostly freaking out.”
