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It was… excruciating.
I already knew Matt was a walking list of everything I wanted in a man, but carefully cataloguing it all and phrasing it to appeal to every male-attracted man in the city except for me—that stung. Every time he rattled off another detail about what he wanted in a partner and in a relationship, I wanted to toss his phone across the room—or at his stupid head—and shout,“I’m right here, Matt!”
But… no. I just dutifully helped him put it out there that he didn’t like movies for first dates because even if it gave them something to talk about afterward, it meant three hours of disengaging from each other. I spelled out that he wanted kids someday and longed for a place where he could finally have a dog again. I typed out for other men to see that one of Matt’s favorite things in the world was laughing and joking in the kitchen while he prepared a meal together with someone, as if that wasn’t one ofmyfavorite things to dowith Matt.
By the end of it, I was a wreck, but I kept it to myself. Matt wanted what he wanted, and what he wanted wasn’t me. That was just how it was.
Ugh. This sucked. Was that cashier’s shift over? Maybe I could catch him as he was leaving and see if he wanted to grab a cup of coffee and…
And then I’d probably unload all my frustration on him and turn him off forever, because all I’d be thinking about was the legions of men who were going to find Matt’s shiny new profile. I might as well have included the text“I’m basically interested in anyone but you, Cory.”Fuck.
After Matt had activated the last updated profile, I sat up and picked up my own phone. Surreptitiously putting some space between us on his couch, I said, “It’s, um… I should probably get out of your hair.” I gestured with my phone. “It’s almost five, and I still need to get a few things done today.”
Matt seemed startled by that, but he recovered quickly and nodded. “Sure. Yeah.” He rose. “Thanks again for… God, for everything. I’m pretty sure I’d have lost my mind today without your help.”
And I’m losing my mind today with you, so… yay?
But I forced a smile. “Any time. You know that.”
His smile was everything. “I owe you. And, um…” He suddenly seemed shy and uncertain. “You’re really on for shopping? And…” He shot a glance at Raziel, rolled his eyes, and added, “And maybe helping us do some photos after?”
I died inside all over again. “Of course. Do you have time tomorrow?”Let’s get this shit over with.“I’ve got the whole day free.”
He chewed his lip as his eyes lost focus. Then he nodded. “Yeah. Tomorrow would be great.” He smiled again. “I’ll buy lunch. And… probably dinner, since I doubt this will be a quick process with them around.”
“Sounds good. Text me when you want to head out. I’ll be up.”
We said our goodbyes, and I left his apartment like it was on fire. Fortunately, my own place was downstairs, because with as pathetic and worn out as I was right then, I didn’t see me dragging myself up two flights of stairs.
I keyed myself in, shut the door, and leaned against it. Eyes closed, I pushed out a long breath through my nose.
I wanted Matt to be happy. I wanted him to find love. He deserved all that and more. But oh, God, this was killing me.
Because someone in this city was about to hit the jackpot.
And it wasn’t going to be me.
Chapter 7
Matt & Cory
Matt
Despite the noisy, irritating presence of Andras and Raziel, my apartment was startlingly empty and quiet after Cory left. I stretched out on my couch, which suddenly felt too big without Cory right beside me, and I kept thumbing through my newly revised profiles in search of things I should tweak. It was something to do. Without that to hold my attention, I was restless in a way I didn’t fully understand. I spent a ton of time by myself. Why was it bothering me today?
And it wasn’t like I was actually by myself. Andras and Raziel were still very, very here. In fact, they’d been bickering on the coffee table for the last twenty minutes. I’d mostly tuned it out because… I mean, whenweren’tthey bickering? They reminded me of a lab partner I’d had in sophomore chemistry. Everyone had called us an old married couple because we wereconstantlysniping and arguing. We drove each other up a wall, right up until the day of our final exam. I still couldn’t put my finger on exactly when the switch had flipped, only that we’d been up to our usual bitching on the way into the lecture hall… and after the exam, we’d gone straight to his dorm and fucked each other senseless.
We’d dated for two years after that, to the surprise of absolutely no one except for us.
I chuckled at the memory as I listened to the angel and demon getting into it.
“Oh,thisagain?” Raziel groaned theatrically. “For the last time, we arenottaking anyone to speed dating. Not again.”
“Why the fuck not?” Andras gave an irritated snap of his wings. “D’you know how many people you can weed out when you’re meeting them like—” He snapped his fingers rapidly.
Raziel planted his hands on his hips and glared at his partner. “You can’t learn anything but superficial nonsense in five minutes!”
“You’re superficial nonsense,” Andras muttered.
