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Yeah, he’d be there. And eventually, I’d be there, too. And neither of us needed to say out loud what we intended to do.
Squirming in the driver’s seat, I pressed my head back against the seat. Up ahead, traffic moved forward. I took my foot off the brake and rolled all of two feet before we were once again stopped.
There were some flashing lights up ahead. Mostly yellow, with the obligatory blue of a cop. An eighteen-wheeler was across two lanes at an odd angle, and it looked like he’d lost part of his load. Great.
I kept drumming my fingers on the wheel. Tanner would still be there. We’d been winding each other up for two long weeks; he wasn’t going to deadbolt the door and ghost me because traffic held me up for a bit. And he could even check the traffic reports and see that I wasn’t bullshitting.
He could verify I really was held up instead of getting cold feet.
I swallowed hard, staring at the line of rear windows and brake lights in front of me. I wasn’t getting cold feet. Was I?
Because even as I sat here trying to will traffic to part like the Red Sea and let me through, my gaze also kept drifting toward the southbound side of I-79. Deep down, there was this impulse to make an illegal U-turn across the median and bolt for Pittsburgh. For home.
I ignored it. It was nothing more than an irrational intrusive thought. A product of nerves combined with the aggravation of a traffic jam. Not an actual desire to turn tail and run instead of going through with meeting Tanner like this.
So why did that impulse keep needling at me?
Even after I got past the eighteen-wheeler and finally took the exit I wanted, even after I turned onto the road that would take me to Tanner’s condo…
This is your last chance. If you’re going to bail, now’s the time.
I wasn’t going to bail. What the fuck? Why the hell would I want to be anywhere but Tanner’s bed?
I was just pulling into the parking garage beneath Tanner’s condo when that intrusive thought crystallized into something more pointed:
You think he’ll still want you after he’s actually seen you naked?
I…
Did I?
I pulled into a parking space, but I didn’t shut off the engine yet. Was that it? Would it be better to just bail now and regret what might have been? Or go through with this and find out exactly what it was like to watch Tanner visibly lose interest in me?
I chewed on that thought for an embarrassingly long moment.
“Maybe when it comes to whether you’re good enough for Tanner,”Darren’s voice echoed in my head,“you should listen to Tanner.”
Jesus. Yes. He was right. Of course he was.
So I cursed my stupid ex’s name and got out of the truck.
As I walked toward the elevator, I texted Tanner to let him know I was there and on my way up.
Okay. Now I was committed.
And excited.
And nervous.
And so fucking horny.
And so damn terrified.
All the way up to the third floor, I vacillated between hoping no one got in the elevator and noticed how turned on I was, and dreading how this was actually going to play out.
He can do a million times better than you.
Maybe so,I pushed back,but I’m what he wants right now.
