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“Damn, Nat, why the hell did you have to go out with Lonigan while you’re here? And I can tell you now, there is no way in hell he is taking you out to the nightclubs he was talking about today in the locker room!” Everything I have been holding comes rushing out. “No fucking way. Do you understand me!”
I’ve startled her and she’s up and standing in front of me in seconds. I can’t decide if she is about to burst into tears or if she’s going to let loose on me. I’m not letting her decide. Stepping forward, I take her in my arms, pulling her into my body so hard that she can’t move. Feeling her body start to shake a little, I know the tears have started.
I’m such a jerk!
“I’m sorry, Nat. I shouldn’t have yelled at you. It’s just too hard… not him, please. I know I have no right to ask you this, but please not Lonigan.” The tears get a little louder and I understand all the emotions she’s letting out, because I feel it too, only mine came out in anger, which is so not me. This whole situation is killing me.
“I wouldn’t, Jordan. Not Chase, never. I can’t even be with any man, especially not Chase, and I hate you for that.” The words are like a soothing lotion on my skin, calming every irrational thought in my head. She can hate me all she likes, but I know now that what I was hoping was right. She loves me, and although she won’t act on it or tell me the truth, it’s still there, buried deep down where she has been holding it all these years.
“I’ll fix this, sweetheart, just give me a little time and I will fix this once and for all,” I murmur to her as I kiss the top of her head, taking in that scent that is totally her. One I’ve missed for so long.
Her head buried in my chest is now moving, going from side to side trying to tell me no.
“Shhh. It’ll be okay. I promise you.” I rub my hand up and down her back, trying to soothe her.
“No, you can’t fix it. I won’t be that woman. I’ll be okay. I just need some space for a while.” Her tears start slowing and I know she’ll find her inner strength and pull herself together.
“I just need tonight,” I tell her, “and we can talk tomorrow, okay? Can you just let me sort some things out? It’s not as bad as you think.” I know she doesn’t believe me, but she will eventually.
Feeling her pulling away, I don’t want to let her go but I know I need to.
Her face looks up at me. Red and puffy eyes, tear tracks down her cheeks. I’m doing this to her, and I’ve never felt so awful.
“Come on, I’ll feed you. You need to eat,” I say. I don’t know what else to do.
“I’m not hungry,” she mumbles at me as I’m swiping her tears from her face.
“Don’t care, you’re eating anyway. Food always makes things better.” What a dumb thing to say. As if food will fix a bleeding heart.
“That makes no sense.”
“I know, but just run with it, okay. I’m a guy, nothing we say makes sense.” A sense of relief falls over me when she lets out a little giggle.
“Isn’t that the truth.”
Sliding my arms back, I rest my hands on her shoulders and wait for her to look up at me again. “You okay?”
“No, but I will be, apparently, if I just eat something.” Stepping away from me, she grabs a tissue from the box on the coffee table and blows her nose like a champion.
I laugh at her, the most gorgeous woman I know, who blows her nose louder than I do.
“Shut up. If you need to blow, then you may as well do it properly.” We both look at each other, and I can’t help it, it just slips out.
“That’s what she said.”
The seriousness of the moment is broken. We’re both laughing so hard now I’m doubling over trying to take a breath. It’s what we needed to move past the shitshow I caused walking in like that.
I pick up the bag of lunch that I dropped at the door as I stormed in here like a raving lunatic. “Hope this is okay. I picked up sushi and rice paper rolls. Wasn’t sure what you liked so got a variety.” Bringing a small smile to her face, I know we’re okay for now. I need to talk to Sasha tonight. It can’t wait any longer.
“Perfect for the girl who’s not hungry but is eating anyway because I’ve heard that it makes all the world’s problems better.” Rolling her eyes at me, we head over to the kitchen counter and pull out the stools, taking a seat. Spreading all the food out, I know I bought way too much, but I’ll eat it later, there is no worries about that.
“Shush you and just eat.”
“You know that’s a really bad habit to teach people, that comfort eating is what helps.” She is about to school me on the healthy psychological behaviors that contribute to weight loss. I know what she’s talking about, but to help change the subject from us, I encourage her to continue by leading her forward.
“How so?” And that’s enough. Nat starts off on her rant about the bad habits we all develop that contribute to weight gain and unhealthy behavior. I know she’s good at her job, but listening to her knowledge just roll off her tongue confirms her passion for helping people live better lives. Just another thing to add to the long list of traits that make her perfect.
Getting through lunch turns out to be easier than I was expecting. Before we know it, time has gotten away from us and it’s after three pm.
