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“I’m okay, just had a big week.” Which is totally a load of shit, but I don’t want to unload it all on Nat. She doesn’t deserve to hear all the mind fuck that is swirling in my head.
“Which is what you would say to my mom. It’s just me, Jordan, anything you say will stay with me. Now start talking.” Just like I said, there’s that hidden strength and force she has. Yet she never hides it from me.
For so long, Nat being Xavier’s sister has given me the opportunity for her to be like the sister I never had at the times I’ve needed it, like now. The proverbial girl next door, almost literally, considering they live just round the corner from me.
Yet I look at her with the afternoon sun glowing on her bronze skin. The slight breeze gives the wispy pieces of hair that are loose from her ponytail an excuse to move around her face a little. Just like her brother, her hair is that dark chocolate brown the matches the richness of the smooth brown in her eyes. The way she’s staring at me now with those beautiful eyes is with a look of kindness and understanding. Reaching out to me and saying trust me. Why is it only just occurring to me that Nat is no longer a girl? Instead, the woman now sitting before me is far more mature than her years. I wish I knew how to follow suit.
Surely it can’t hurt to talk it over with Nat. I came here to try to process my nerves with Xavier, being my best friend. But the truth is, I’ve known Nat just as long and she is probably the closest person to me—after her brother, anyway.
Taking a deep breath and slowly letting it go, I look out to the street again to try to break the intensity of her gaze.
“Coach Sampson pulled me aside after training today. To let me know on the downlow that there are going to be college scouts at the game tomorrow to watch me play. He has been sending out highlight reels to colleges and has a few interested.” I bounce my right leg up and down slightly, the nervous energy already there, and I’m just talking about it. What’s it going to be like tomorrow?
“That’s fantastic news, Jordan.” She squeals and wraps her arms around my shoulders.
“Yeah, you would think so.” My chest starts to feel a little constricted. I’m not sure if it’s from talking about tomorrow or the fact that Nat is still wrapped around me.
Her scent hits me and my mind is trying to process it. It’s sweet with a hint of something I can’t identify. I’m not used to noticing these things about her, and to be honest, I’m not sure why I’m even smelling it now. But it’s new and calming.
“Wait, why aren’t you jumping for joy at this, what am I missing here?” Nat pulls back and looks at me like I’m an alien.
Just shrugging my shoulders at her, I don’t know what to say.
“This is a good thing, right, Jordan? I mean, every guy on the team would love if the scouts were coming to watch them.”
“Yeah, don’t get me wrong, it’s amazing, and that’s part of the reason I’m freaking out,” I reply, leaning forward and dropping my chin into my hands, resting on my knees. The air of the early evening starts to nip at us. The start of November is here, and we are nearly at the end of the season, which also times with winter’s arrival.
“Okay, so what’s the other reason for your uncharacteristic panic?” Her voice is a little softer now.
“My folks, I haven’t told them.”
“Why not?” Nat looks at me with concern.
“You know what they think of football. They will just talk me down, tell me how stupid I am for even entertaining the idea that I might be able to choose this as a career. And they aren’t the thoughts I need in my head before one of the biggest games of my life so far.” Just talking about it is enough to make my head start spinning.
“So, you have all this nervous energy you don’t know what to do with?”
“Something like that.” I ponder what Nat said. Is it that or is it more than that?
“You’re not even close to your usual oozing confidence right now. Talk to me, Jordan.” She’s almost pleading with me to let her help.
I can feel it bubbling under the surface, and for once, I can’t hold it back.
“What if I suck tomorrow? Fuck up every pass, totally misread the play. Blow my chance for the rest of my life. I don’t know, maybe I should just listen to my parents and pick some safe career. Before they have a chance to say I told you so.”
“Wait, what? Let’s just break all this down and stop your brain from self-combusting.” Nat rubs the top of my head, knowing it’s distracting me from my thoughts.
“Hey, don’t mess up the hair.”
“Okay, pretty boy. Now…”
“Yeah, I know I’m being ridiculous.”
And deep down I do, but I just need someone in my corner to tell me that it will all be okay and that I have a shot at this. Not just a bit of a chance, but that if I truly want it, I shouldn’t let anything hold me back.
“Jordan, you have to believe in yourself. The same way we all do. This whole season, you haven’t missed landing a pass to your half back or full back, so tomorrow will be no different. As for reading the play, pfft! You could do that with your eyes closed. You are overthinking this. All you need to do is go out there and play this game like any other one. Forget about who’s in the stands and just focus.”
“You know, you’re good at this pep-talking thing.” I start to feel my body relax a little less. Sitting up, I then place my hands behind me along the porch.
