Page 15 of Defining Us


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“Like that was ever in doubt. Now the last thing we need to kick right out of your head is the stupid notion of giving up before you even start. We both know you are born to play football and are destined for bigger things than this town can offer you. Never settle for something less than you deserve.”

Nat’s words are sitting in my head and somehow start to squash the thoughts that have been spinning since I left training.

She leans back on the porch next to me. Both of us look up at the sky as dusk darkens and the hints of stars are sprinkled across the sky.

“I bet you’re glad Xavier was out tonight, aren’t you? I mean, I’m much better to talk to about these things, even though I’m a girl. He is useless at the serious stuff.”

We both start laughing as I lean over to kiss her on the cheek.

Like a slow-motion scene from a film, Nat turns her head sideways just as my lips are almost touching down on her skin.

The first second of my lips on hers is a blur of shock, my head screaming at me to pull away. My lips have another idea, though.

I just take that little extra taste.

One that I’m not at all entitled to or have even ever considered.

But that few brief seconds before we both pull away have overtaken my brain, and all thoughts of football are forgotten.

“Shit, I’m sorry, Nat, I was just saying thank you for the talk.” I stumble over my words, while the color drains from her face, except the little pink flush on her cheeks.

“Umm, it’s my fault, I didn’t realize what you were doing. It’s not like, umm… you meant it or anything. Right?” There’s hesitation in every word she says.

“God no, you’re like my sister. Right?” Why did those words suddenly taste sour on my tongue? “Just an accident, you know… I, um, you know, just…” Now, I can’t seem to string a sentence together.

I clear my throat and stand up. “Anyway, I, um, better get going, big day tomorrow.” I shove my hands in my jeans pockets, my fingers balled in fists.

Natalie jumps up too, standing on the top step as I lower down onto the step below her, our faces now level.

“Yeah, I better go study for, umm, English, yeah, English, that’s it.” She crosses her arms and squeezes them tight against her body.

Turning, I walk down the next few steps and down the path a little ways, but I can’t walk away without checking that we’re okay.

Looking over my shoulder, I call, “Hey, Nat.” She turns from the front door she’s opening.

“Yeah?” She looks over her shoulder at me.

“Thanks for the pep talk. Are we good?” I wait for what feels like a long time, but it’s only a few seconds until her face lights up with a smile.

“Yeah, Jordan, we’re good. Now head home and study that playbook. Tomorrow is going to be the start of your brand-new adventure, I can just feel it.” She smiles again and disappears in through the front door, leaving me standing on the path.

“Yeah, I feel that too, Nat, fingers crossed,” I whisper to myself.

“What the fuck!” A smack to the back of my head has me looking around for which douche has hit me with the stuffed football that travels with us on every trip.

Pushing my headphones off my ears and down around my neck, I hear someone yell, “Wake up, Cap, we’re all waiting for your big motivational speech and you’re too busy over there daydreaming like a big girl!” I don’t even have to see him, because I know that deep voice is Ericson who is our biggest guy on the team. Built to stop a truck, any day of the week.

Standing in my seat, I turn toward the back of the bus, and there is a lull in the noise.

For fuck’s sake, it’s like I’m the President or something.

“Here’s today’s words of wisdom. Coach told me that Ericson is benched for disrespecting his Captain and for the disgusting smell that came wafting from the back seat earlier.”

Laughter and cheers ring out in the bus, with all the boys throwing shade at him.

“Shhh, settle down.” I’d rather do this now than when we’re in the changeroom. That is my time to get in the zone. The hush descends again over the twenty players and cheerleading squad.

“I know you’ve all heard the talk that there are going to be scouts at today’s game.” This creates a loud cheer that quickly dies down as I hold my hands up. My eyes focus on Nat who is sitting two rows back from me on the opposite side of the bus. Her smile calms me enough to get out the words I want to say.

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