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My parents have been three times since I started in college and Xav has been here a few times more than them, what a surprise. My parents being here did nothing for me, and if anything, just made me feel like I had to do the obligatory meet the coach etc. While I love having Xav here, and he helps me to feel like home, it’s Nat that I want to impress.
She gave me the push I needed and believed in me when I felt like no one else did.
At a time that I didn’t even believe in myself, she made me see that I could do this. I need to show her what that meant to me back then.
Who the hell am I kidding? I want to see her because she still lives in my dreams.
I’ve never told anyone about the night we shared, and sometimes it eats me up inside. But I’ve learned to deal with it and tonight will be no different.
Natalie and I are just friends, and it’s my job to show her that I’m okay with that.
Otherwise, it might be another two years before I get to see her.
Maybe now we can be in contact a little bit more after this weekend, after she sees that I’ve moved on.
That’s the outcome I need to aim for.
If I can have her in my life more, then maybe one day, she will realize that what we shared was more than just a moment.
Bashing on my door snaps me out of the circle I’m pacing in.
“Hey, Brandon, you ready to head over for the warmup run?” Detores yells from outside my door. Damn, I don’t know how long I’ve been inside my head trying to calm the fuck down, but it’s been longer than I thought.
“Give me a minute, I need to change.” I don’t but I just need to get my head together before I walk out the door.
“Better make it quick, otherwise it’s you explaining to Coach why we’re late. You know last one into the locker room is never a good thing.”
Voices outside mean the rest of the boys are all starting to head out to warmup too. Our dorm is full of the team. Of course, the varsity team get the single rooms, and then the lower grades have to share with a team buddy. I’m so glad that’s not me. It’s a privilege I enjoy.
I don’t have time to waste. Grabbing my training bag, I open the door to one of the biggest guys on my team, Lonigan. He rooms next to me and is busy grabbing Detores in a headlock and telling him to stay away from Stacey tonight, because apparently, he has been working on chatting her up all week. Not sure it would take much to get her back to his room, from what I hear. She’s been doing the rounds of the team most of the season so it must be Lonigan’s turn this week.
Not judging, because the guys on the team are as bad as the girls who chase us. Everyone is looking to have fun and no commitment.
There are a few of the guys who have girlfriends and I actually feel sorry for them. Both the girl and the guy. There is plenty of temptation out there, and the groupies don’t seem to care if he is already taken. Self-respect is something that I wish a few more of them had. Find a guy who is free, there are plenty of us around that you don’t need to be breaking up a relationship between two people who love each other. It’s just a dog act. Mind you, if the guys are serious, they shouldn’t be looking anyway.
It’s almost like we’re a pack the way we walk across the campus to the gym for the session and then later today I’ll drive to the field for the game. That’s what makes us successful. We’re family and have each other’s backs, both on and off the field.
“Who are you planning on bringing to the party tonight? Which lucky girl scored the golden ticket with the star quarterback this week.” Detores pats me on the shoulder as the topic of tonight is being thrown around. While we’re trying to distract ourselves from overthinking the game, I can one hundred percent guarantee that this idle talk is not changing the focus for any of us.
“Man, you make me sound like some superstar who can have any girl I want,” I grumble to him with a foul taste in my mouth at the thought of appearing like that to Nat.
“You’re fucking kidding if you don’t think that’s the truth, Brandon. The quarterback is always the golden ticket, and we all just get the leftovers,” Lonigan yells out loud enough that the rest of the guys all start agreeing and laughing.
“Fuck off, you bunch of dirty ballsacks. About time you all concentrated on the game instead of how you plan on getting your dick wet later.” My head is still spinning with visions of Nat the last time I saw her.
“Whoa, the almighty has spoken. Best we get on with training,” someone calls from behind me as we head into the gym. This is mainly a warmup and stretch-out session to keep us limber for tonight.
“Anyway, you can all enjoy the smorgasbord on your own tonight, because I’ve got friends coming in from out of town, so it won’t be happening for me this evening.”
“Just bring them along, the girls will love a few fresh faces, I’m sure.” Lonigan laughs at himself, trying to get everyone else laughing with him.
Thank God, Coach chose that moment to call us all to start the session. I didn’t want to try to explain that one of my friends is a female and that if any one of them even looks sideways at her I will punish them.
Focus! That’s what I need to keep saying to myself for the next few hours. Team first and anything else after.
* * *
Sitting in my bay, headphones on,Enter Sandmanthumping loudly through my ears, I can see the ball. Imagine the pass. The way it lands in his arms, hard and firm. The cheer of the crowd on the touchdown. The calls for the plays run through my head over and over. I know them better than I know my own name, but it doesn’t stop me from repeating them to myself. I’ve learned my strengths and how to improve on them week after week.
