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The shadow of someone standing in front of me has me looking up.
I pull the headphones down around my neck, but I can still hear my pump-up music. I use the same playlist every game. Superstition won’t let me change it.
“You ready, Brandon?” Coach’s stern look bores into me. He’s different to my high school coach who you could play along with but occasionally he would get growly. Coach Waverly means business as soon as we step into the locker room. Even after a win, he is still one hundred percent switched on. “Yes, Coach. We’ve got this.” He slaps me on the shoulders with his hands and even through all my gear I feel it.
“Good. We need this win tonight to cement our lead. Eye on the prize, son.” With that he moves on to the next player and I put my headphones straight back onto my ears. I can’t afford to lose my concentration with five minutes before we take the field.
You know when you’re in high school that college football is next level, but nothing prepared me for playing in a stadium that is almost as big and classy as the NFL. The crowds are fierce and passionate and take the game as seriously as we do. The stands are full of the players’ families, fans in general, and then the alumni from all the years that have gone before us. Every set of those eyes will be on me tonight when I take that ball and prepare to send it down the field.
But out of the thousands of eyes, only one set matters, and they are the deep brown ones that soothe my soul and make my heart skip a beat.
There’s movement in the locker room.
Earphones off, helmet on, and we walk out to take the field. The deafening noise of the cleats on the floor and the music pumping inside the stadium ready to welcome us.
As we run out to the chants and cheers, I want her to know.
This one’s for you, Nat.
* * *
“Your arm was on fire tonight, Brandon. That win will put us firmly at the top of the ladder.” Coach slaps me on the shoulder as I’m standing in front of my cubicle, towel around my waist and rummaging through my bag trying to find my deodorant and cologne.
“Thanks, Coach. Big team effort.” I finally find it and pull it out of my bag as Coach starts agreeing.
“Good man, never lose that team attitude. Can’t win a game as a solo player. Takes a team, son.” He walks over to our trainer to start discussing injuries and who is on the list this week. I’m grateful every week that I avoid being a name he reads out.
Having already pulled on my sweatpants and team shirt, I should have waited a little longer before I got the cologne out, but as soon as Detores sees me with the bottle in my hand, he can’t help himself.
“Should I be worried that you’re slapping on cologne for a couple of hometown buddies that you’re meeting up with tonight?” His laughter has everyone looking at us to try to get in on the joke.
“Fuck off and keep your voice down. I don’t need the whole team up in my grill.” My voice tells him that I mean it.
“Okay, okay, settle down. Didn’t mean anything by it. But you want to tell me what’s going on?”
“Not really, but you’ll work it out soon enough. The friends from back home here tonight are my best buddy and his twin sister who’s also a friend.” By this stage, I’m now doing up my shoes and I can hear him trying not to laugh. “You say one word and I swear I will end you.” Looking up at him, the smirk tells me he has worked out that I’m a little more interested in tonight’s visitors than normal.
He puts his hands in the air in surrender. “Nothing to say here. I’m just leaving with the guys and heading to the after-party. Feel free to join us with yourbuddies.” He uses his fingers for air quotes and tries to hold back his laughter.
“There is more chance of you getting lucky tonight than me turning up at the party.”
“Then I’ll see you soon then.” He winks at me as he’s walking away, proud of himself for getting the last comment in.
The message on my phone at the end of the game lets me know where Xav and Nat are standing waiting for me, and it’s not ideal, but I’ll try to get out there and grab them so we can leave before too many of the team are there.
Bag on my shoulder, I make it three steps out of the door and see Detores and half the team having a gathering right beside the fence that Xav and Nat are leaning against. The smile on Xavier’s face at seeing me means it’s too late to turn and walk back into the stadium. I’m just going to need to suck this up and deal with it. In all his previous visits, I’ve just hung out with Xavier on our own away from the team, so no one recognizes them standing there waiting for me.
So far, I can only see the top of her head, because it looks like her phone is more interesting than looking for me in the crowd. Heading over toward them, I’m talking myself down and convincing myself to play this cool. We’re doing what we agreed on that night. We’ve remained friends and it’s not awkward. I mean, if you call not seeing each other for two years not at all being awkward then we’re good.
The closer I get to her, I’m shocked to see her wearing the jersey I sent her all that time ago.
Not just any jersey, butmyjersey, which kills me seeing it. I was hoping when she was wearing it, that would mean she was my girl. After this long, I’ve given up thinking that it’s even a possibility anymore.
Xavier nudging her in the side has her sliding her phone into her back pocket and then it’s like the world slows down for a moment.
Her face tilts up to me.
Those eyes, the ones I still dream about on occasion, are shyly looking at me like I’m someone that she’s frightened to meet. Her chocolate-brown hair is now longer than I remember, and dead straight down her back. Gone are the curls she used to do in high school like the rest of the cheer squad. Instead, this version of Natalie is like she has matured overnight, and I missed the transformation. A small amount of make-up is highlighting the beauty that was already there. One thing that hasn’t changed is her smile that is now starting to come across her face the closer I get. I hope it’s a natural one and not just put on for my sake.
