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Then her pushing me away so quickly, just like last time, hurt like hell.
Just once I wish she would let me have a say in what is going on between us. Instead, she makes assumptions and rules.
Tonight, I’ve had enough, and now I’m reacting like the dick she’s used to from high school.
I mean, it’s not like I didn’t try to talk to her after that night. I texted her, called her, messaged her on social media. I even sent an email. About the only thing I didn’t do was send a message via carrier pigeon. But then it would have probably returned and shit on my head anyway.
I casually mentioned to Xavier one day that I had messaged her and had no reply, and I asked him if she was okay. The answer I got back through Xavier was that she was great and just really busy getting packed up and settling into college.
I laughed it off with Xavier, but I took the message from Nat. She was telling me she had moved on and that I should too.
So, I did. I think I fucked my way through forgetting for most of my first year of college. But by second year, it got old. I know I should lose my man card for that, but it just did. No matter who I’m with, it will never take away the ache I have for Nat.
For something more than the fleeting moment.
The first few times I saw Xavier, it just refreshed the thoughts of Nat that I was trying to push to the back of my brain. To be honest, I really had given up that I’d ever see her again.
Until the message today that sent my heart racing and sheer panic running through my body.
Seeing her waiting for me after the game gave me all the feelings of what I’ve always convinced myself was never an option. Nat as my girlfriend, dressed in my jersey and standing at the gate ready to walk into my arms. It was all there in front of me, except she isn’t my girl.
Skip forward a few hours, and now I don’t know what I’m feeling or thinking.
Watching her sitting with half the team eating out of her hand is driving me crazy. The Nat I knew would never be bold enough in a group of guys she didn’t know. Maybe that’s the problem. She’s not the Nat I knew anymore. Two years is a long time; people change, life happens, and what you thought was something becomes nothing.
It’s pretty clear the message I’m getting.
Nat has moved on.
There will always be something between us, but it will never be more than that.
I need to get some fresh air.
Walking toward my truck, the two girls that I had paraded on my arms like a fool are hot on my heels.
They might have been a good cover when I wanted to get away from Nat after we arrived, and yeah, I wanted to make her jealous after she pushed me away. But now they’re annoying.
“Brandon, where are you going?” I hear one of their shrill voices behind me. I’m pissed off with myself for being so stupid tonight. I can’t even tell which one of them it is.
“To my truck!” My voice is so rough that I’m not even sure if they can understand what I’m saying.
Giggles behind me tell me I’m wrong. “Oh, wow, he is really going to take us both parking with him,” one of the girls is saying.
“I get to ride him first,” the other girl talks over the top of her.
Wait… what the actual fuck? I’m not like that.
I stop and spin straight around to face them. “Stop right there. I’m not sure what you were thinking is about to happen, but that is not it. No fucking way!” Since when has my reputation gotten this low.
Just when I thought I couldn’t feel any more crap tonight, a new benchmark is set.
“What’s up, Brandon? Don’t get angry, you can choose just one of us.”
Just stop talking. The trash coming out of your mouth is making my skin crawl.
“Stop, just stop! I’m going to my truck, alone. Thanks for a fun night, girls.” I don’t wait for their response, just turn and continue toward my truck. I can’t get away from them quick enough. They’re making my stomach lurch. Partly because I feel like a jerk for leading them on, but it’s more than that. I actually was using them, and that’s not cool.
I pull the driver’s door open so hard it bounces back toward me on the rebound as I’m trying to get into my seat. Whacking me in the side and squashing my leg in the door, it’s the last straw.
