Page 67 of Defining Us


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“Real classy, ladies.” They both snigger at me as they leave the apartment.

I can’t help laughing too.

When the girls are home, the place is full of noise and never a dull moment. Yet the minute they leave, the peaceful silence is restored, and I remember what it was like before they moved in.

Surprisingly nothing much has changed. Sasha isn’t one for home decorating and she said she wouldn’t be home much so I should keep it the way I wanted. At first, we had lots of magazine and television shows wanting to do the whole story on the newlyweds and our home, but we both refused. This is our safe haven away from the crazy. The instant one of us steps out of the building, we are public property, so we both agreed that our home is off limits.

This apartment was the first big purchase I made after I got signed with the team. At first, I rented a place in New Jersey to be close to the training facility and field, but I soon found that most of my teammates actually lived in Manhattan and TriBeCa. So as soon as I had enough money behind me, I got my agent to start looking for a place. He had three choices for me, but this one felt the most like home. Well, not like my true home that I grew up in, that is nothing like living in a Manhattan high-rise penthouse apartment. But the feeling I got walking in here the first time made me feel comfortable. Like I could be here and relax, unwind from the fast pace of my new lifestyle. I thought I knew what to expect when I arrived in New York, but those first few weeks I was like the proverbial fish out of water. Or afresh victimas we now call all the new rookies each season. Ready to be picked on by the older players.

The media want to know everything about you, from what you eat, who you are dating, what dirt you want to share on your new teammates, and right down to the type of underwear you wear. I mean, seriously, nothing is off limits to the vultures.

There were nights that I would lie in bed and wonder if I was ever going to be able to handle the life of living in a glass fishbowl. But after a while, you start to get used to it. My mind kept going back to what Nat had always said about being a small-town girl and that I would be a big-city guy. Part of me knew, though, that deep down I would always be the small-town guy too. Not that anyone would know that now. But someday.

With both the girls gone, I make another coffee and just sit, enjoying no noise, no rushing, and just let my head be still.

It’s a skill I have learned and channeled over the years. The moment the ball lands in my hands, I need those few seconds to totally still my brain while I assess my options before I fire off the pass to my guy down the field. Block the crowd, the players around me, and all thoughts that could creep in and distract those split seconds I have.

Right now, the few minutes I’m sitting in silence are golden, because as soon as you hit the street outside, that all disappears. That’s the part of me that I know still loves back home. Although on my visits back there, I can’t always fly under the radar, but most people leave me alone and let me just visit with my family and friends. Not that I make it home very often. I wish it was more. Xavier has been asking me for a while to visit, but it just gets too hard at times. Plus, eventually I’m going to need to take Sasha home again with me, and that means I won’t get to see Nat. She thinks I don’t know that every time I try to get them in the same place that something comes up last minute or she’s “sick.”

My eyes scanned the room at the wedding, I just wanted to see her.

My heart was hoping she would stand at the part where the priest asked if anyone objected… but my gut was telling me that boat had sailed already. She let me go and that’s why I moved on.

But did I really… that’s the real question.

Telling yourself you have and then actually doing it are two different things.

I mean, getting married to Sasha was a big step forward. I love Sasha, and we connect on so many levels, but there is just something that will always tie me to my first love.

Shaking my head, I need to snap out of thinking about Nat. It’s usually what happens after I see her, like last night, she screws with my brain… and my heart, if I’m being honest.

Lifting my cup to my mouth, the taste of the coffee, like always, soothes the beast.

My phone is vibrating on the coffee table in front of me.

Let’s see what today brings.

ChapterThirteen

JORDAN

Seeing Tarek’s name, I know that whatever the day holds for me, it’ll be nothing too serious.

Tarek:Bro, what time you coming over?

Jordan:Why, you lonely, big guy?

Tarek:You got that right, the BIG GUY part!

Jordan:Keep dreaming

Tarek:Fuck off! So, what time?

Jordan:Why, you need to get rid of last night’s company first?

Tarek:We aren’t all married to some hot model!!!

Jordan:Sucks to be you then, doesn’t it.

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