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“One day, you will look back and regret this, Nat… because I regret every single day that I let you go.”
I hold my chest so I don’t let the sob out that is just below the surface waiting to break free.
The click of the latch echoes through the silence. I let go of my chest, let go of all I was holding on to, and the tears fall.
Why can’t I just tell him the truth?
My heart longs for him.
Life is so cruel the way it shows you what you want, who you need, but the timing or circumstances are never going to be right.
I stumble to the couch and curl up in a ball. My head is pounding not just from the hangover now, but the tears and heartache are just adding to the mess.
My phone is ringing in the distance. I can’t even stand to try to find it, let alone be together enough to contemplate answering it.
It’s probably just Xavier checking on me after the show I put on last night. He of all people is not someone I need to talk to right now.
The conversation would go something like:
“What’s wrong, Nat, why are you crying?”
“Because I’m in love with your married best friend and I can’t do a damn thing about it. Even though I think he loves me too.”
“What the fuck. I will kill him. I told him from the beginning you are off limits. Plus, he’s married, and that shit doesn’t fly with me. Being faithful is not an option, it’s a necessity in my eyes, asshole.”
Little would Xavier understand it’s my fault we are in this mess. His sister is the villain and Jordan would never hurt me.
Not intentionally, anyway.
Because every time I think of him marrying another woman, the pain is so intense.
It should have been me.
He should have fought for me.
More sobs are coming, but this time it’s because I know I’m a bitch.
It was never up to Jordan to fight for me. I should have overcome my fears and taken the leap he begged me to take.
The regret is all mine.
He’s right. Except it’s not in the future that I will be looking back and wondering.
I’ve been doing it since I pushed him away and will continue to do it for years to come.
I’m sorry, Jordan, one day you will forgive me and understand I did it for you.
ChapterSixteen
JORDAN
“Fucking bullshit!” Cursing to myself, I stomp down the stairs that I so carefully carried Nat up last night.
“You can deny it all you like but I know how you feel.” I grab the door at the bottom of the stairs and pull it hard, almost smashing it back against the wall in one swift motion. Which ricochets up through my arm, reminding me of the other pain that my body is fighting.
“Argghh!” I scream out to the cool morning air.
I stand still, taking in a deep breath until the pain subsides. There is so much aggravation in me that I know catching a taxi or Uber at the moment won’t help me. I need to walk it off. Give my body time to calm down and the brain time to stop screaming profanities at the woman I just left sobbing in her apartment. All because she can’t let me into her life.
