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In all my sixteen years of doing this, I’ve never had anyone abuse me over the name that was picked for their new identity.
Seriously, why does it even matter? It’s a cover for when she's in public. She needs to let go of her old name now, it makes it easier in the long run. That name is gone forever.
I want to tell her that I think Cassie suits her better, but that’d be like waving a red flag at a bull right now.
I can’t believe she thought I would ever leave her alone. I mean, seriously, what the fuck! That didn’t wash with me at all, and I couldn’t stop from telling her straight up what I thought about her outburst.
I ended up growling at her as she was yelling at me. What am I even doing here? This isn’t how it’s supposed to be. This woman winds me up and has the hair on the back of my neck standing on end. I pride myself on being able to block out distractions and stay calm, even in the heat of the moment. Yet here I was standing up and leaning over the table toward her. Wanting to get right in her face to make sure she understands who I am and what I do. I hate doing it, but I’ve shot and killed before to keep my client safe. That’s what is expected. It’s all just instinct.
But this woman! She’s confusing me, with an intense possessive pull that’s drawing me to her like I’ve never felt before. The need to protect her is far stronger than I’ve ever known. I wouldn’t just shoot any bastard who thinks they can get near her, but I can feel it in my bones, I know I’d throw my body in front of her if needed.
All agents understand when we join the program the danger that’s involved. Yet, as stupid as it sounds, you tend to take that in your stride the longer you work here. Today, that adrenaline rush I felt all those years ago on my first jobs early in my career, it's back with a vengeance.
I don’t need it.
I’ve got to shut this down and get everything back at a distance.
You can’t feel this unsettled about a client. When you sign that contract that says you will not become involved in any way with any client in your care, then it’s the rule you must abide by. It’s what’s been drilled into us since day one.
But more importantly, it’s there for a reason. The minute you let it become personal, then your judgment is compromised, and that’s the most dangerous place to be.
You need to be acting on instinct every second of every day. No clouded judgment.
Because the moment your brain doesn’t react purely on listening to your surroundings and judgments is when things turn to shit, and you're dead along with your client. You can’t spend time worrying about how someone else is coping or trying to make them feel safe.
The only way they will be safe is through your actions.
Actions speak louder than words, and I’m a man of action.
Take control of the situation, man. Get this back on track.
When I started calming myself down and got back in the zone, I could see her bringing her anger down a notch or two. It was still there, but she, like me, was trying to keep it on the inside.
Finally, I got all the initial protocol out of the way with her, explaining her new identity and what my role in her life is now.
The more I was talking, I could see in her body language that the adrenaline spike she had been riding for the last few days was dwindling. With the glazed look in her eyes, I knew she wasn’t taking much in, or if she was, it was just washing over her. But the stubbornness that I’ve already seen was making her push on. Until she just couldn’t any longer.
She finally gave in because her body can’t keep going, and she mentioned needing sleep. Thank goodness, because we both needed a break from each other.
When I rose from my chair to help her up, she took my hand which actually surprised me. I expected her to brush me off. Instead, her delicate fingers reached out and wrapped around my hand. That simple gesture of trust resonated through me.
I didn’t understand how tired she was until she was falling sideways, trying to gain her balance.
Wrapping my arm around her so she didn’t fall was instinct, but just not the one I was thinking about in my head moments before. That would have been to reach out and place my hand on her shoulder to steady her, not pull her close where it felt natural for her to lean on me.
I just needed to get her to bed so she could sleep, and I needed to pull myself together. Get completely in the frame of mind I need to be in to do my job.
This woman is infuriating. There will be no power-napping here. Once her eyes closed, her body went into recovery mode. She was still mumbling to me as I walked her to the door. She needed to just shut up and give in.
Taking one last look at her and shaking my head, I close the door and beat myself up once again at letting my mind wander to places it can’t go.
Work, that’s what I need to do. While Cassandra sleeps, I need to find out what this is all about.
Checking all the camera feeds and logging into the work system to document my reports so far, I get lost in all the T-crossing and I-dotting I need to do. I talk to Rocket and get the update from the FBI of what they expect to go down in the next few days. It lets me know when I need to be on alert for any backlash that will be immediate, upon the senator's arrest. It then usually quietens down for a period before the trial commences. If we're lucky, it'll stay quiet, and everything will progress as planned—trial, conviction, and then into hiding for a while until the threat is gone. Usually at that stage, we place them in a whole new life far away from where they originally came from and get them established. Our work as agents is then done, and they only call if something happens. By then it will be a new set of agents assigned if it gets to that point, which is very rare.
Her nap gives me time to set up my bedroom as an operations room. Cassie doesn’t need to see all of this in front of her face all day. It’s pointless to say you want them to feel at home, because no safe house will ever feel like home, but at least you need them to be comfortable in their surroundings and not completely stressed out. There will be enough of that when it comes time for court cases and speaking with the lawyers.
I check in on her later, though I’m not sure it’s a restful sleep, as the strain on her face is still showing, but at least she is still asleep. It’s been over an hour now, and I expect it will be a few more yet.
