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“I’m sorry to ask, but I need you to stop. I need to pee really, really, really badly.” Oh shit, I didn’t even think about that. I’m used to holding on for a long time when we’re on a job.
“Cassie, baby, I’m so sorry. You need to tell me these things.” I look for a clear spot ahead to pull off the road that will be safe. By the sound of her voice, I don’t think she can last much longer, and I don’t know how long it’ll be until we find the next service station that will be safe enough to stop at.
“I just did!” she yells back at me. Oh yeah, her bladder is about to burst. “Why are you stopping here?” She’s now crossing her legs.
“So, you can pee, woman.” Getting out, I slam the door behind me, and I can still hear her screaming at me as I round the front of the truck and open her door.
She looks at me with the eyes of someone in an old-fashioned gun fight, waiting to see who draws first.
“Get out, Cassie.” I glare at her because I think to myself,It’s not a request, lady.
“I’m not going to the toilet in those trees, that’s disgusting.”
I lean across her and undo her seatbelt, taking her hand and pulling her out of the car.
“What’s worse, sitting in your own piss for another few hours or squatting behind those trees and getting relief? I know what I’d choose.” I look at her with a face that tells her I’m not taking no for an answer.
“Oh yeah, just squat behind those trees, like it’s that easy. It’s easy for you guys that can just flop it out, aim, and spray the ground, give it a shake, lock it up again, then walk away. I have to drop my pants and not get them dirty, then try to hold them off the ground enough so they don’t get wet. Squat and balance so the piss is going straight down and not running down the inside of my leg. Holding myself long enough in that squat for all the drips to fall off, because it’s not like I have any toilet paper to wipe myself. Then I look down and hope I’m not standing in a pool of piss all over my shoes. You men have no fucking idea what it’s like to be a woman. Arggghhhh!” She screams at me like she is about to explode.
Before I can hold it in, the laughter is just pouring out of me. Not just a little but that full deep-down laugh-out-loud type.
“Asshole!” Cassie screams at me as she races toward the trees. If there is one thing that is difficult to do when you are busting to pee, it’s laugh hard.
Pulling the laughter back to a very quiet chuckle, I walk toward where she ran off to. I don’t want to embarrass her any further, but I’m not letting her get very far from me at any moment.
I can hear her going to the toilet, cursing to herself the whole time. Note to self: I need to check a little more often for her. Hearing the water stop running, I can’t help myself.
“Do you want me to find you some leaves to wipe with?” I try to hold in the laughter that is wanting to escape again.
“Not funny, dickwad!” I can hear her shuffling her feet, standing up again. I give her a bit of space so she doesn’t realize I could hear every little sound.
Appearing from behind the trees, the look on her face hasn’t changed. She is still ready to tear strips off me.
Not game to poke an angry woman, treading lightly, I move toward her.
“Feel better now?” Putting my arm around her shoulder, the glare tells me she’s not even close.
“You need to feed me now.” Shrugging off my arm, she continues to the car.
“Roger that.” The death stare over her shoulder tells me those weren’t the right words to use either. She might think being a man is easy. Try being around a woman some days. I take back when I said I love when she’s feisty.
“I can’t win,” I mumble under my breath, following her.
“That’s right, and don’t you forget it.”
“See what I mean!” I roll my eyes at the back of her, and lucky she didn’t turn around, otherwise I’m just opening myself up for more pain.
I pull the bag with the food out of the back of the Dodge. I don’t even know what she packed, so there’s no point in me even offering her choices.
I dump the bag in her lap, not saying a word. I figure it’s just easier to start driving, and once she has eaten, then maybe my calm Cassie will return.
“Do you want something?” Her voice already sounds a little better.
“You eat first, then we can worry about me.” And I mean it. I’m not sure my stomach is ready for anything yet. The adrenaline pumping through my body is not going to ease off anytime soon, and the truth is, I need that. It keeps my focus sharp.
“Ghost?” And there she is, I can see it in her eyes. My Cassie. “You need to keep up your strength, otherwise you won’t be able to be my badass ninja.” Then she throws the pleading puppy-dog eyes at me and who can refuse them.
“Alright, alright. What have ya got?” I don’t really feel like anything, but the small smile that just crept up her face, that she could do something little to look after me, is totally worth the suffering.
