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Chapter twenty-seven
Nico
Knoxhasjustofferedme two very different rooms and given me a choice. The first room was totally fitting for the house, and Porter gushed over it so openly, but it was too much. The colours were bright, the bed was too big, and there was so much room for storage. So many empty cupboards. I would have stayed there, and I would have been grateful, but the second room is a much better option. It's plain and empty, except for an unbuilt bed and wardrobe, both of which have seen better days.
"No need for bed. Too tired now." I tug on the upright mattress, and Porter jumps to help. "This is much space. So better. I will be happy here." I look at Knox with pleading eyes, the same face I use to encourage pizza or clothing from the man.
"This is your room then, Nico. You will live here and do whatever you want to make it your own. Someone will move this stuff tomorrow and we'll bring all your things here." Knox's words are final. I am staying here whether I want to or not.
"I do not have things. Just clothes I need. There is no hurry to bring if Porter is kind with the one zees." I really want to stay here. The cost is being Porter's friend, and I am very good at that, at least when I am awake. I can be happy with whatever I get now I know what it will cost, and that it is something I am happy to pay. Porter is very easy to like.
"I shall be Porter's very best friend in all the world. I shall like very much living here. Thank you Mr Slayer, so much." I hope that was appreciative enough without being too much. Sometimes I am unsure, especially when there are two people to please. Porter is very expressive, while Knox is much more reserved.
"I'll find some bedding for you," Knox offers, sliding out of the room.
"I am very lucky. Thank you for choosing me to be your special friend. I like you very much."
"I hope you don't just like me because I said we should be friends," Porter bites nervously on his lip.
It has nothing to do with the fact he said it, and everything to do with the fact I know what happens to people who say no to Knox Thayer. They usually come and play with me. Now I'm trapped in Knox's house and being told to play nicely with his toy. I know better than to refuse Knox, my life has been in his hands for as long as I can remember. While I'll accept any role he gives me, this new one is an improvement. Playing torturer with only words was a low risk position in the family, and it came with low rewards. This role is high risk, but it comes with high rewards.
"I would not have been bold enough to offer or ask for a hand of friendship with someone as important as you. But I take what is offered. You offer me the chance of friendship, but the actual thing of friends takes time and familiarity to build on the offer."
Porter looks at me like I've grown a second head or switched to Russian without realising.
"I am not just liking you because you said." I try a simple answer and get a simple smile back. I've never met someone who didn't want anything from me other than to be friends. Porter really is a nice person. Nice people don't last long in this world, and I shall repay the kindness of saving my life by protecting his.
I'm startled when he leans in and puts his arms around me. I'm not sure how to respond to this. I know this is a hug, but I'm not sure its what friends do. I have studied the various greetings, and while the Russians have a formal kind of hug when they greet close friends, it is nothing like the embrace Porter is giving. I've observed that this is more the greeting of lovers, or maybe close family on special occasions. I am neither, and yet, I allow the hug to go on. It is not an unpleasant thing. To fight the awkwardness, I feel in the moment, I put my arms around him too.
And that is how the big boss man finds us. Me caught in the embrace of his boyfriend.
"It is not what it looks like," I plead, trying to back away.
"What does it look like?" Knox questions, his tone level and not displeased.
"A boyfriend should not hug another man?" I'm not quite sure of the right answer for this situation.
"A boyfriend should not hug another man unless the boyfriend's boyfriend is happy with the hugging. And this boyfriend's boyfriend is happy with the hugging," Knox baffles me with his reply, but when he scoops us both up in his arms, I have no doubts left that he is happy with this strange arrangement I found myself in.
"Do you need help changing for bed?" Knox pulls from our combined embrace and starts making the bed. I am so grateful for everything they are doing for me, and the strange relationship they are asking in return.
"I will change finely myself." It should be easy enough to switch from this one zee thing into the thin cotton one Knox brought in with him.
Knox isn't known for his thoughtfulness. While he gives me what I ask for, he never gives anything spontaneously, so the gift of a toothbrush and washcloth is quite moving.
"The bathroom is two doors along on the left, but it’s a bit of a walk past the stairs. I've left the door open and the light on so you can find it," Knox explains. "You'll be the only one using it so take all the time you need."
I am yet to brave a bathroom. I am uncertain about rushing such an encounter, but I just nod and hope they leave me to my new space.
"We should be close enough for you to yell if you need anything." Knox gives me a nod and then drags Porter from my side.
Once they are gone, I close the door and admire my new space.
Walking to the window I can look out at the dark world. The sleepy image of trees fills my view for as far as I can see, giving me comfort. I don’t know enough about friendship and relationships to navigate this situation alone.
I can just take one day at a time and see how things go.
Guilt at leaving the bathroom light on drives me to investigate the space, and I successfully manage to enter long enough to fill a glass with water before recoiling to the hallway. The feelings follow me out of the room, a mix of cold and tightness rushes over me, the aching in my skin pulses to my bones. I'm certain I just need more time and the silly feelings will pass.
