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I still hope it comes back negative. How can I go back to Porter and Knox if it's not. What is the point of knowing if he doesn’t want it known?
"I gave Porter's mother a house. I provided a social life until they turned eighteen. I will give you nothing more than that. If it is positive, I will buy the boy a house."
"Dad, how does that work if he was smuggled here in the cargo carriage of a train?" Gregory calls.
"To England, I travel the ocean in back of a lorry. It very much hotter than in train," I correct him.
"I mean the illegal entry part," Gregory counters.
"I had Gavriil claim paternity so he could legally stay." Edward reveals the biggest secret of my life. "I needed him to have the means to open a bank account that Russian pig couldn't get his hands on."
I have been a prisoner to my immigration status for as long as I have been here. It has been waved over my head as a cause of obedience, especially by Gavriil, but by many others too.
"Then it is settled," Carter decides. "You may leave as soon as Porter is able to travel. If the tests are positive, I'll buy a house in the kid's name."
I don't want a house; I don't want a father. I want Knox and Porter, and I can't have them if this is true.
"Come on. I'll take you to your friends." Gregory is too nice considering what I did to him.
"No. Please not. I travel home with Mr Slayer here."
I don't want to be with Edward, being in his presence makes my skin crawl, but I can't be around Knox and Porter right now.
"It's cute. He never could say Thayer," Edward explains, and everyone nods like it explains Knox's nickname to the world. "You may travel with Caeo if you wish."
"Thank you."
Chapter forty-seven
Knox
Nicomaywanttotravel with Caeo, but I want him in the car with me. Porter needs to look after him in order to distract him from his grief. We can shut the world out when we get home and process all our demons. I just need him to get there.
"Nico, my car please."
"But Caeo-"
"Now, pet, be a good boy."
Nico gives me a desperate look I've not seen from him before, not even when he was begging for the news about his mother to be untrue.
"I've got the blanket out ready for you."
Nico sighs and gives in, or maybe he gives up. Either way, he climbs into the back of the car. I fasten his seatbelt, wrap him in the blanket, and set his pillow for him.
Then I repeat my actions with Porter; my man looking as shell-shocked as Nico.
"I promise I will make this better for both of you once we are home." If only I knew how.
I have to drive alone, I could do with Caeo sitting next to me, but he came in his own car and has to come home the same way.
Porter just stares blankly out of the window, dealing with his conflicting emotions alone. It's hard to remind myself this is the right thing. It is. They both need to be home in familiar surroundings. Away from his dad, away from mine.
Nico reaches his hand out to Porter, but I can't watch to see if he takes it, just fleeting glances in my rear view mirror. My next glance shows Nico's hand back on his lap, and after that, he is asleep.
Nico stays asleep the whole way home. Porter stays staring out of the window. Home has never felt so far away. Even at the end of the drive, I feel miles away from where I want to be.
Caeo's car is already by the house, the man is waiting at the door with Gladys.
