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That's it. That's all I have left.
"Oh, poor boys." Gladys hurries down the steps to the car.
"Help Porter." There is nothing physically wrong with him, he just needs a kind hand to guide him. Nico's problem is just the opposite. I'm going to have to carry him.
Caeo joins me at the door and between us we lift him gently out. There is hardly any weight to him, but a load shared is a burden halved.
"I need to talk to you when you have your boys settled," Caeo mutters.
I know I'm going to lose him. Caeo stood beside me when I fell apart before. He stood strong when I wanted to punch everything in my path. He doesn’t want to go through that again.
He doesn’t want to support me through losing Porter. I'll lose Nico too, but he was never really mine. I forced Porter to love me, but he has chosen Nico. I can’t fight that now. I won't fight that now.
Nico is damp and muddy, but his sleepy gaze helps me prioritise his needs. He needs to lie on the sofa in Porter's arms. Porter needs someone that isn't me right now.
"I'll get the doctor to check you over," I whisper, pulling the blanket up across him.
"I am not hurt," Nico insists, but I don’t care. He wasn’t really hurt when he rescued him, but his recovery wasn't certain.
"Michael is going to throw a wobbly at this," Caeo warns. "Wasn’t the boy on bed rest?"
"I told him to stay in the car, not to take on two mafia brats."
"Ah, but you say it in the way you want broken," Nico mutters.
"What do you mean, pet?"
"Gavriil always ask to say it back if he not means it."
"Well, when I ask you to say it back, I am confirming that you understand my exact words."
"I did wrong then? It all my fault?"
"No. You did the right thing for me, for Porter, for Carter. But it was not the right thing for you."
"Family first." Nico yawns and closes his eyes.
"Caeo, I want to focus more on the clubs. I think we can cut back on the drug running and make enough from entertainment and property."
"Let me say my piece before you say any more," Caeo sighs heavily. "This whole situation with Nico has me rethinking everything in my life."
The words 'don't go' sit heavily on my tongue, unspoken. I never imagined a life without him by my side.
"I need a change of career. A slower pace. I've been saving, and I have enough to be comfortable for the rest of my life." Caeo has clearly been giving this some thought.
"I understand. I-"
"Need a new security manager."
"What?" I need to replace Freddie now he has… Vanished? I left him to my father's wrath when I ran off to find Porter. I pleaded for Freddie's life once before, after he lost everything and neglected his duties. I gave him a second chance and he betrayed me. After watching Dad put a bullet in Tiffany, I have no doubt over what happened to Freddie.
But that wasn't on my mind right now.
"I'd like to apply for your security manager post. I threw money at Nico to ease my guilt and he didn’t even know he had a bank account. I didn’t even tell him what I was doing. I want a job where I can see the good in my work. I want to keep you and your boys safe. And I'd like to see more of Gladys."
"I don't- You want Freddie's job." I'm speechless. I thought I was going to lose him, but this means he will be here at the house more, like the friend I always wanted him to be.
"You all need someone you can trust. And it sounds like you need someone with less drug related skills by your side."
