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“Are you okay?” Freddy asks as soon as we’re inside his cottage.
“Fine, Sir.”
“Alex, straight up. No Sir and Petal, here. Something is bothering you.”
“Maybe a little tired,” Not entirely a lie. I’d been awake most of the night wrestling with myself. What I want, versus what’s best for all concerned.
Freddy kisses me for the first time since we’d started hooking up. It’s tender, and sweet, and if I’m not careful it could be my undoing.
Is it better I stay as planned, or should I cut my losses and have Craig pick me up now?
It’s my selfish side that wins. I need this one last time. And if it comes with kisses, all the better.
“Alex? Something’s wrong. Tell me what’s going on, please.”
I can’t keep it from him any longer. It’s not fair, and something about me has already set his alarm bells clanging.
“This needs to be our last time together.”
“And when exactly were you planning to tell me this? During post-coital euphoria? As you were leaving? Dear John letter? Or were you going to just ghost me?”
“Before Craig picked me up in the morning.”
“Do I get a reason?”
“I’m not being fair to you. All this sneaking around.”
“You’re feeling guilty for some inexplicable reason that you’re blaming on fairness to me, and then you arbitrarily make a decision that affect us both? Alexandra,that’snot fair to me. I’m a grown man who is perfectly capable of figuring out for myself what is fair to me and what isn’t. And even if I do feel something unfair, I’m also capable of deciding whether or not take action. And I am sure as fuck capable of having a rational discussion.”
“Freddy, I’m sorry. I—”
“Please go take out your plug, wash it, and leave it on a flannel beside the sink. You may as well strip there, then meet me in the bedroom.”
I open my mouth to protest, but his expression makes it more than clear that I’d best go do as I’m told.
Freddy is lying naked on his bed when I enter. I don’t understand what is going on. The bedposts are completely bare, the toy cupboard is closed, and there is nothing on any surface. Not even a condom wrapper. I’m completely off kilter.
“Are you still on the pill?” he asks.
“Yes, Sir.” I answer him as his Petal would in the hopes that maybe…
“No Sir. No Petal. Just Freddy and Alex.”
His words make me feel sadder than I could have imagined. “Okay.”
“I want to fuck you with nothing between us. And when you leave tomorrow, I want it to be with my come deep inside your pussy. Can I fuck you bare, Alex?”
“Yes.” My answer is barely a whisper, but it sounds so loud in the silence.
He pats the mattress next to him and as soon as I’m lying beside him, he pulls me into his arms and rolls us over until he’s on top. Then he kisses me. He’s angry, and he shows me with every savage stab of his tongue, every nip of his teeth. He’s hard against my belly, and as suddenly as he began to ravage my mouth, he stops. Pulling back, he looks into my eyes, and I have to look away because I can’t bear the unshed tears I see in his.
He kisses me again. This time, it’s the same sweet tenderness of that first kiss we shared. His tongue slides gently into my mouth and I suck it tentatively, testing the waters. How much is he willing to accept from me? His resulting groan gives me with the courage to suck harder, to graze it with my teeth, to tease it with the tip of my own tongue.
As he continues to kiss me sweetly, he works his way between my legs, using his knees to spread me wide. “Last chance for a condom, Alex. Tell me yes, and I’ll take you bare.”
“Yes.”
Reaching down between us, he guides the head of his penis to my entrance and then so very slowly presses his way in.
