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I spend most of the afternoon on mindless tasks because I’m too pre-occupied with everything that’s going on and what’s still to come.
Holy shit. I’m going to be a dad again. Weirdly, this is the least scary part. Probably because it’s a job I’ve been doing for nearly seven years, now.
I consider gender for the briefest moment before realising that I truly don’t care.
All that matters is that Alex and I are going to have a baby, and together with Pippa, the four of us will be a family. What that looks like—who knows?
My thoughts roll back to marriage. The honourable thing. My thing.
But notourthing. At least not yet.
How in the good green fuck am I going to face mykingand tell him I’ve impregnated his daughter, but I’m not going to make her my wife? I can truly be thankful that it’s been centuries since the reigning monarch has had the power to order beheadings.
I arrive at Alex’s thirty minutes ahead of schedule. She and I need to have another conversation before we face her parents.
“You’re early,” she says when she opens the door, and all I want to do is pull her into my arms and kiss her senseless. Instead, I silently follow her into a lounge and sink into an armchair when she invites me to sit down.
“What is it you have to say that I’m going to hate?”
“That obvious?” I ask. She nods, and I dive right in. “I think we should reconsider getting married.”
“Why?”
“Because like it or not, we’re going to be a family and marriage is the most—”
“You can stop right there unless you were about to do a one-eighty and say marriage is the most boneheaded thing we could do. You and I are only just getting to really know each other. Pippa barely knows me at all. A marriage needs a good, solid foundation and what we have right now is a house of cards at best. I appreciate that you’re looking to do what society looks upon as the right thing.” Even though we’ve been through this, she is still fixating on her belief that my desire to marry her is purely out of duty. “But we have to do what is right for the four of us. And no matter what, I won’t ever walk away from Pippa. This baby is her brother or sister, and Pippa’s wellbeing will always be a priority.”
“I had to try.”
“Yes, you did. And honestly, it’s sweet of you to try falling on your sword like that.”
It’s not falling on my sword, but she doesn’t want to hear that right now.
“My father will bluster, but honestly, of the two of them, my mother is the parent you’d best be most wary of.
“Nowyou tell me.”
“It’ll be fine. Just let me do the talking.”
“Oh hell, no. It’s bad enough to have to tell them we’re having a baby and no ring on your finger. But for me to let you be the one to break the news? That’s going to make me look weak as fuck.”
“Of the two of us, I’m the one who knows my parents best. Add in that I’m the only girl in the family, and you’re the man who knocked me up…yes, it’s best the news come from me.”
I don’t like it, but if there’s one thing I learned from parenting and a bad marriage, it’s to pick my battles, and this is probably not the hill I need to die on.
21
Alex
My father looksup from his book and over the top of his spectacles at Freddy and me, zeroing in our clasped hands as we enter my parent’s private sitting room.
Meanwhile, my mother is clearly counting stitches on her knitting. For someone so accomplished at almost everything she tries her hand at, knitting seems to be her nemesis. If she’s not dropping stitches, she’s adding them and rarely has the correct number from one row to the next.
“Hello my darling. Come sit down.” My father greets me in that indulgent tone that’s for me alone. The fact that he’s ignored Freddy puts me on edge.
Tugging Freddy’s hand, I lead him towards the sofa across from the one my parents are sitting on.
My mother has stopped counting stitches, but the creases in her forehead haven’t gone away.
