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Balmyr pulls the canvas flap open, looks back at Alindra, and then twists away. The canvas rustles as it falls closed behind him, and his footsteps thud across the platform and onto the ground. Raiyben’s voice rises in a greeting that’s not exactly friendly. And then I turn back to Alindra, and all the words I’d so carefully rehearsed last night vanish like fog before the rising sun when she smiles at me.
“Thank you,” she says. Her shoulders sink as she relaxes. “Stars, I had no idea he was in the envoy. I would have hidden in the woods.”
She huffs out a breath, then shakes her head, and I start to wonder what she would have done if she knew I was coming. Maybe I should have sent a letter.
Maybe this was a bad idea after all.
“Would you like some tea?” she asks.
I have to clear my throat before my lips remember how to form words. “That would be great,” I stammer.
Alindra smooths her hands down the front of her dress once more, then pulls a teakettle from a little box, fills it from a wooden barrel on the floor, and puts it on the wood stove. Then she gestures to the little table with two chairs shoved into the corner by her bed.
I sit down, trying not to knock into anything when I pull the chair out. She’s chosen the smallest of the tents, and the one with the best view. My sudden realization that this is also the tent I would have chosen is probably not at all helpful. Alindra sits down in the other chair and then stares at her hands as they rest on the table.
“So,” Alindra begins. “What brings you here?”
I clear my throat again. Voids damn it, I had this all planned out. Where did the words go?
“I mean,” Alindra continues, her voice rushing in to fill my silence. “You don’t have to tell me. It’s nice to see you. Whatever the reason.”
Her cheeks flush darker than the ceiling of the world. She twists away, like she can’t bring herself to actually look at me.
“I— I heard you’re leaving,” I stammer. “For the Kingdom of Stone and Sea.”
Damn it. I could punch Aloserin for his stupid, stupid advice. And then I could punch myself for following it.
Alindra shrugs as she glances around her neat little tent. “Well, people keep saying I can’t stay here much longer,” she replies, with a high little laugh that sounds almost like an animal caught in a trap.
“It’s a shame,” I say. “This is a nice place.”
Her breath catches, and I turn back just to see her twisting away again. I swallow, then press on with what seems like a fairly safe topic of conversation.
“I mean, this is much bigger than your last room,” I say.
She smiles. Our eyes meet, and something inside me catches on fire. I want to apologize for meeting her like that, crashing into her world, losing the portal, dragging her with me into the Silver City. Screaming voids below, I want to apologize for everything. Everything I said. Everything I did.
Everything I didn’t say. Everything I didn’t do. I pull in a breath, squeeze my fingers into a fist, and open my mouth.
“I need to apologize,” I say.
She freezes. I turn away, like the damned coward I am.
“The last time I saw you,” I continue, as my mind scrambles desperately for all the words I’d lined up so neatly last night. “I was— I mean, I didn’t do a very good job of explaining my feelings. And why I didn’t stay—”
She makes that sound again, the laugh that comes out like a cry, and her hands flutter like birds in front of her chest.
“Oh, stars,” she says. “I understand.”
I blink. “You do?”
She presses her palms against the table like she’s steadying herself, then gives me a sad little smile.
“You needed me to save Rowan,” she says. “And the rest of it, I— I read too much into it.” She shrugs, then looks away. “It’s okay,” she continues. “You helped me escape Grathgore’s palace. I’m always going to be grateful for that.”
She’s staring at the teakettle as if that’s what it’s going to take to make it boil, and she’s blinking rather a lot.
Shit. It’s almost impressive how badly I’ve messed things up between the two of us. Rowan would be laughing his ass off right now. For some reason, he always thinks I have the answer when it comes to sex, love, or anything vaguely romantic. As if I ever knew what I was doing.
