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I work late in the city and don’t see her in the mornings before I leave or at dinner when I return. The dining table is once again a place of solitude and loneliness. That sense is somehow more disturbing now than before Sophia’s arrival. Another sign that she’s trying to infiltrate my psyche. Perhaps succeeding, too.
On the third evening, I finally break.
Normally, I’m made of stronger stuff. I might not be patient, but I will meticulously plan and wait out a rival. It seems all of that falls apart when it comes to Sophia.
After sitting through yet another lonely dinner, I bring a full, warm plate up to Sophia’s room. I’d hoped that forbidding Diana and Luis from delivering the meal to her room would force her to come downstairs and join me. But she never appeared. And I won’t starve her. If anything, I bring the food as a peace offering—extra garlic breadsticks included.
My knock goes unanswered, so I press my ear to the door. At first, all I hear is silence on the other side, then a distant smothered wail and sniffle. She’s crying.
Deja vu slams into my chest with enough force to make me stumble backwards. Dread twists and coils in my gut, and my lungs struggle to draw in a full breath of air. Memories of a different room, a different woman, on a different night invade my mind.
Before I know what I’m doing, I’ve wrenched open the door and rushed inside. A panicked scan of the room shows it’s empty.
I drop the plate on the first horizontal surface that I pass, and continue further into her bedroom, frantically seeking Sophia. Another sniffle draws my attention to the dimly lit bathroom.
I catch sight of her in the illuminated mirror. She cradles a handful of pills in one palm, tosses them in her mouth, and gulps half a glass of water to swallow them down.
My stomach drops to the floor.
No.
A cold sweat breaks out on the back of my neck, as I storm into the bathroom and grab her arms. Her eyes are red-rimmed. Her face, pale.
“What did youdo?” I demand.
Her eyebrows pinch. “I don’t know—”
“Which pills did you take? Answer me!” Releasing her, I open the medicine cabinet, searching for a bottle of sleeping pills, prescription painkillers, anything harmful in large doses. “What the fuck did you take?” I bellow.
“Roman.”
All I find are bottles of herbal supplements and vitamins. Can a person die from a Vitamin C overdose?
“Roman.” She wedges herself between me and the vanity cabinet. “Look at me.”
I glance down at her and pause, quickly scanning her features for any sign of lethargy.
She reaches up and palms my cheek. “I take supplements nightly. You know, herbs that are good for my hair and nails, my skin, my brain. All those things.”
I freeze, staring down at her as her words gradually begin to make sense. Vitamins? Nightly?
I glance up at the cabinet’s contents and the bottles all over the countertop. There’s nothing harmful here.
She didn’t— She’s not trying to—
Eventually, the vice clenching my intestines loosens.
I catch sight of myself in the mirror. Wide, wild eyes stare back at me. I look like a deranged killer out for blood.
“You thought I was trying to kill myself, didn’t you? Why?” Sophia’s voice drags my attention back to her, and I lower my forehead to rest against hers. Our breaths mingle. Her honey scent further soothes my frayed nerves. Normally I’d suck it up, push these embarrassing feelings back into the box where they belong, and shrug off this whole situation.
But right now, I just can’t. Or maybe I don’t want to. I’m not sure.
Sophia’s arms wrap around my neck. She holds me close, not saying another word. I hug her waist, drinking in the comfort she offers, as the seconds tick by, and my thundering heartbeat slowly returns to normal.
Her presence, her touch, her warmth is a balm to my aching soul. She feels so good in my arms, so I give myself this moment to silently open up and let her in. For a few seconds, I allow her to hold on to all my broken pieces. To let myself fall apart in her arms.
I neither shed a tear nor make a sound during this process. I don’t even know if she realizes how vulnerable I am in this moment, before I pick myself up and don my inner cloak of armor.
