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I got up and gently scooped up my daughter, pulling her tight to my chest quickly. She gurgled lightly but then settled, her tiny button nose pressed against my lower neck. I took the opportunity to smell the top of her head and felt my whole body tingle. It was one of the most overwhelming sensations I had ever had. The complete sense of unrestricted love I had for this tiny being in my arms was immeasurable. It was the fullest I had ever felt in my entire life.
I carried her over to the window and sat down, pulling out my own phone and shooting off a text to the guys and their wives. A series of responses came in, and I made sure to mute the phone so none of them woke up the baby that I was already mentally calling Cassie. I relaxed into the chair and held her, occasionally kissing the top of her head.
The door opened after a couple of short knocks, and a nurse with a kind smile came in. I had seen her before but couldn’t remember her name. It felt like several of the nurses all looked alike and were named Emma, though. A series of interchangeable Emmas. I figured she was probably one of them.
“Dr. Murphy,” she said quietly. “It looks like Mama has gone off to sleep.”
I glanced over at Carmela, who had indeed drifted off to sleep, one hand under her head and the other hovering over her belly like she had slept for months. I figured it would take a little time for that instinct to wear off.
“Looks like it,” I said.
“You look pretty tired too,” she said. “After we go over the list of what’s next, I can bring the baby to the nursery and let you guys shut your eyes for a bit.”
Instinctively, I squeezed Cassie a bit tighter to my chest.
“No, that won’t be necessary,” I said. “I’m fine. I’m a doctor. I’m used to not sleeping a whole lot.”
“Well, that’s just fine then,” she said. “I will need you to sign a waiver saying you didn’t want to take the baby back to the nursery, though.”
“That’s fine,” I said.
“And I have some other forms to sign if you don’t mind. One thing we need is the name for the birth certificate. We can get that all started and come in to do the hand and footprint in a few minutes.”
I smiled.
“Cassandra,” I said.
“Marie,” Carmela said in a half sleep. “Cassandra Marie.”
“Cassandra Marie,” I said, grinning as Carmela seemed to fall back to sleep.
“Is that going to be Smith?” the nurse asked, trying to ask as tactfully as possible.
I hesitated. I knew what I wanted, and I had a strong feeling what the future held, but this was a technical matter. I had to play it by the book, for now.
“Yes,” I said. “Smith.”
“All right, then, I will get that down and bring it out to you to confirm before we sign it and do the prints. I’ll be back in a little bit.”
“Thank you,” I said.
As she walked away, I refocused on Cassie in my arms, looking out over the view from the window. It overlooked the stretch of highway that led back to Murdock. I faced her toward it and held her close to my face.
“That way is home,” I whispered. “Thank you, little one. Thank you for choosing me to be your Daddy. I promise you. I swear to you that I will love you and your mama more than anyone else on this earth. I will protect you and raise you and love you with every inch of my heart. I will love you forever. And your mama. I promise.”
25
CARMELA
When I went into labor early, the biggest thing on my mind was my baby getting here safely. I was worried something would go wrong or that she wouldn't be strong enough when she was born. I hadn't even considered the time after.
It was such an incredible relief to find out she was strong and healthy when she first arrived, but soon we had to come to terms with the reality that she was still premature. Even though she wasn't in serious distress when she first arrived, it became obvious she needed a little more help and was taken off to the special care nursery for extra support.
Mark sat on the edge of the bed beside me and held my hand, reassuring me that Cassandra was going to be fine. We were all going to get through this together. It was comforting having him there and knowing he was speaking from experience, having watched other mothers go through the challenge of having their newborns in the specialized nursery for days and even months after their births.
He talked about not being an obstetrician or pediatrician, so he didn't have this kind of experience, but I knew he was just being humble and cautious. He was the kind of doctor who helped anyone who needed it and having been by his father's side while he was the small-town doc meant he was with him during all kinds of calls.
