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Fortunately, everyone understood. Even though the doctor gave our little Cassie his seal of approval to go home, we were aware that she was still fragile. Still so tiny, she was vulnerable and delicate, so we needed to protect her. But soon enough they would be able to give her all the snuggles and kisses they had waiting for her.
It was almost surreal walking through the door and realizing we were home with our baby. The three of us were really a family, a true family, and there was nothing standing between us and living our lives together.
Cassie was a dream in those first hours. She slept comfortably in Mark's arms, ate eagerly every half-hour, and made the sweetest cooing sounds I'd ever heard. It was so beautiful, and I couldn't imagine ever not feeling so content and filled with happiness.
Then night hit. We had a blissful time giving the baby her first bath, reading to her, and settling her into her bassinet before dinner. Right as we were sitting down to eat, she started to cry. While I finished serving the food, Mark went in to comfort her and help her back to sleep. She went quiet again, but it only lasted long enough for us to take a couple of bites.
Everything went downhill from there. For the rest of the night, we tried everything we could think of to soothe her back to sleep. We paced with her, bounced her, sang to her, and sat with her. Each of us got the chance to catch snippets of sleep between shifts with her, but the longest the house went without her cries was less than an hour.
She went to sleep on my shoulder as the sun started coming up. I wanted to cry myself. At the same time, there was something so fulfilling and incredible about knowing I'd gotten my child through her first night at home and she was comfortable and safe in my arms.
I carefully lowered her into her bassinet, and Mark got into bed next to it as I went to take a shower. When I was finished, I went to tell him he could take his turn, but found him sleeping deeply, one hand reached out to rest on the side of the bassinet like he wanted to be able to touch her. I slipped into the bed beside him and instantly fell asleep.
I woke up to the sound of Mark singing and realized he wasn't in bed beside me. I peeked into the bassinet and saw Cassandra wasn't there. Following the sound of his voice, I found him in the kitchen making breakfast while he danced and sang with her. He smiled when he noticed me.
"Mama is up," he said. "Did you get some good sleep?"
I nodded. "I definitely feel better. Still tired."
"Well, I think both of us are in for being tired for the next eighteen years or so."
"Then everything is going exactly as planned," I said.
He smiled and leaned down for a kiss. I took Cassie into my arms and brought her into the living room to feed her.
This became our rhythm for the next few days. Gradually, Cassie started sleeping better and we learned how to handle each of her cries. The first few nights were trying but wonderful. Even when I was so tired I thought I was going to fall over right where I stood, I was still happier than I had ever been. I had my daughter, and I had Mark. He was right there beside me, helping me through the hard moments and cherishing the fun, joyful ones.
It was difficult, I would never pretend it wasn't, but it also felt so normal. There was a shift that came with going from just the two of us to the three of us, but by the third day, I could barely remember what it was like to not have her. Being a mother made me feel more like myself than I ever had, and the more I watched Mark being a father, the deeper in love with him I fell. I knew soon he would have to go back to the clinic full-time, but for now, I was having the best time in our own little corner of the world, just the three of us.
26
MARK
Carmela was an amazing mother. It was a revelation to watch her, and I constantly found myself amazed by her. I mean, she was always incredible, but there was something particularly special about the way she cared for our little one. Watching her care for Cassie, carrying her around and doting on her and being so great with her, just made me love her more. She was somehow even sexier and more beautiful as a mother.
I was thinking about how gorgeous she was while watching her play with her on the couch by the Christmas tree. We had put it up the day after Thanksgiving. Both of us had gone a little crazy over the holiday already, and it was only the first of December. It was going to be our first with the baby, and even though we knew she wouldn’t remember any of it, we wanted to make it as big as possible.
