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As I stand alone in my suddenly silent office, I clench my fists, willing away the tears that threaten to spill. I might never see Maks again. And it hurts deeply to know that’s how we left things.
Of course, I should be happy. After all, I’m the one who told him he should make this look like a breakup. What I didn’t plan on was that he might put it into action without any intention of coming back once the danger is past.
Now, I’m not so sure.
Agonizing loss punches a hole through my chest, and I press a palm to my heart as I try to ease the pain. I knew better than to let my feelings run away with me. And now I’m paying for not following my instincts.
I can’t live the way Maks does, going through life without attachment.
Even when I go in with a strong head and clear intentions, my heart leads the way. And as much as I like Maks—love him, even—I can’t continue to call what we have casual sex.
So maybe this event came just in the nick of time, before I lost my heart completely to someone who can’t protect it.
It’s time to put my pain behind me, for my own sake and for Sarah’s. My little girl is my world, and I need to protect her from the dangerous mess I’ve willingly waded into. Taking a deep, steadying breath, I solidify my resolve, ready to put my time with Maks behind me and find a way to go back to the simple, happy life I knew before him.
It’s nearly the end of my usual workday, and after the intense emotions of the past twenty-four hours and a nearly sleepless night last night, I think it’s time to call it quits. I do the bare minimum cleanup, scooping the papers and pencils up off the floor and depositing them in a messy pile on top of my desk. Then, I walk around the edge to collect my sport coat from the back of my chair.
Scanning the room to see if I’ve left anything behind, I pause as my eyes land on the wall Maks had me pinned against not long ago. My body heats at the memory, the way he knows how to lay claim to my body and still make me feel like he’s worshiping it.
That angry sex is some of the best sex I’ve ever had. It was filled with so much passion, so much raw emotion that I could almost fool myself into thinking that it meant he cared. A knot forms in my throat, and I shove aside my thoughts of Maks, snatching up my purse and storming out the door a moment later.
I lock the front door and head out the back, making a beeline for my little white BMW and then home.
When I finally step inside the front door, I pause to listen for the happy sounds of Sarah and Zoe playing some game or whipping up a meal. It only takes me a moment to pinpoint my daughter’s happy babble coming from the living room.
I find her there, playing with her toy horses, and her giggles prove a soothing balm to my wounded soul. She looks up at me with those big, innocent eyes and gives an excited, “Mommy!” before hopping up off the floor.
For a moment, I wonder how I can possibly let Maks go through life with no idea that he has a daughter. Not just any daughter, but the sweetest little girl on Earth.
But after being on the receiving end of his no-attachments philosophy, I can’t stand the thought of Sarah knowing this kind of rejection and loss.
Pushing the thoughts away, I offer a tired smile. “Hi, sweetie,” I say, bending down to hug her.
Zoe steps into the room from the kitchen, a mixing bowl tucked in the crook of her elbow and a whisk in her other hand. “Well?” she asks, her voice tinged with worry.
“What’s for dinner?” I ask, diverting her question—a clear indication to her that we’ll talk about it later.
Her dark-lined eyes flash with concern, but she forces her voice into a cheery tone. “I thought pancakes were in order for tonight.”
“Breakfast for dinner?” I say in mock horror, giving Sarah a pointed look.
My little girl giggles. “Yeah! Breakfast for dinner!” She bounces up and down in her excitement.
I laugh, a smile stretching across my face despite the weight of my heart. Only Sarah could get so excited about breaking a simple convention like eating breakfast foods for dinner. She’s going to be a handful when she gets older. I can already tell.
“I think you’ve been a bad influence on her,” I say under my breath to Zoe as Sarah returns to her toys.
Zoe snickers wickedly. “I did warn you that I would be the favorite aunt because I intended to corrupt her.”
“You’re her only aunt,” I point out.
Technically, even that is more of an honorary title, but I would never dream of taking it away from Zoe because I couldn’t imagine my life without her in it, helping me raise my little girl, ensuring I’m not entirely alone in this world.
I’ve never felt so blessed to have a friend like Zoe than I do now.
As she gets the pancakes cooking, I set the table and make us each a drink. Orange juice for Sarah, and though I know it’s late in the day, I make Zoe and myself a pot of coffee, a comfort I’m going to need to get through everything I need to tell her.
But first, I need to feed Sarah and put her to bed. The last thing I want is for her to hear about all the dangers slowly circling our happy little life.
