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“No. No!” she says, startled, her eyes flying wide in a look of shocked innocence that I no longer know whether I can believe.
“Then, what? An ex, a boyfriend, or are you going to tell me she was born from immaculate conception?” The hurt in my voice comes out bitter, and I bite back my words before I say something I might regret. Taking a deep breath, I try to collect myself before asking a more civil question. “What’s the story on her father?”
Fresh tears spring to Heidi’s eyes, revealing a deep sadness I hadn’t anticipated. A tinge of regret tightens my stomach. Maybe I was too quick to anger.
“I’m so sorry, Maks. I should have told you. I wanted to tell you so many times, but I couldn’t because... well, she’s your daughter. I got pregnant from our first time together—four years ago. I didn’t tell you because you said you didn’t want love or a family. And I thought it best to keep Sarah out of this”—she gestures between me and her, indicating our arrangement—“because I didn’t want to put her through the confusion and loss after we ended things.”
I’m stunned to hear I have a daughter, and an intense warmth radiates through my heart at the possibility that Sarah is mine. That overwhelming joy is quickly followed by guilt, however, and deep remorse that I did something to convince Heidi that I shouldn’t be in my daughter’s life.
And just as quickly, my emotions shift again to an ugly suspicion that I want to crush before it takes control. But after Heidi’s kept such a big secret all this time, I find I’m not entirely ready to trust her.
“How can you possibly be sure I’m the father? I mean, it was one night, and we used protection. Couldn’t it have been a boyfriend around that time, or...?” My voice trails off as I recall that night we shared, how inexperienced she seemed, how nearly virginal. And before she says anything, I know she’s telling the truth.
“I haven’t been with anyone except you since that night, Maks,” she confesses, her cheeks turning a deep shade of rose. She doesn’t sound defensive. Instead, she seems determined to lay it all out there now that I know, her explanation gushing from her without prompting. “I wasn’t with anyone before you either, not for a long time.”
Sniffling, Heidi wipes her face once more, pulling herself together. “I was ready to keep it a one-time thing, and like I told you before, your generosity made it so I could quit Lady Venus and get my life back on track. Then, about a month into school, I found out I was pregnant.”
Her hand strokes Sarah’s hair as if to comfort herself as much as to soothe the little girl, and despite myself, it makes my heart swell to see Heidi be such a good mother. Snuggled in her mother’s arms, Sarah looks like she’s on the verge of falling asleep at this point. She’s probably exhausted from all the fear and trauma she just survived.
“I knew I wanted to keep the baby and that I should tell you,” she says. “But I had no clue how to find you or where I would even start. By then, I couldn’t even recall your last name. I didn’t know where you lived, where you worked... So I made peace with becoming a single mom.”
I remain still, listening to her tale though I think at this point, she needs to tell me more than I need to hear it. Because the truth is that whatever she’s hoping I’ll forgive her for, I’ve already forgiven. In my mind, there’s nothing to forgive. She’s taken care of our daughter without my help for the first three years of Sarah’s life. She’s done it with a devotion that astounds me, and all I can feel is gratitude for her strength and dedication to our little girl.
“I swear, Maks, I didn’t even have time to think about dating, what with Mom being so sick and then passing away... then trying to start my own business and raise a child...”
Softening further as I hear the anxiety behind her words and see the tearful apology in her eyes, I can’t let her go on any longer. Stepping close to Heidi, I cup her face tenderly in my palms. “Shh,” I soothe. “I’m sorry I doubted you for even a second,” I murmur. “You did more than anyone could ever have expected of a young single mother, and I only wish I had been there. I want to help, to do my part as a father. I want to make it up to you both.”
“Oh, Maks,” Heidi breathes, her tears coming hard and fast once more. As they trickle down her cheeks, I gently brush them away with my thumbs. “Don’t you know you’ve already done more than I would ever ask? Even in my hardest moments, when I felt most alone, I never had to worry about how I would feed Sarah or put a roof over her head. And that’s because you gave so generously to me without a second thought. I don’t want you to feel guilty, and I definitely don’t want you to feel obligated to be a part of our lives if that’s not what you want.”
“But it is,” I insist, her words triggering a deep ache in my heart. I fear she might not believe my words now after everything I’ve said and done to prove otherwise. “Idowant to be a part of your lives. I’m overjoyed to know I’m the father of such a beautiful, smart, good girl—just like her mom.”
Heidi’s eyes shine with love and devotion, and she places one hand over the back of mine, nuzzling her cheek into my palm.
“I want to be a part of Sarah’s life—and yours—for as long as you’ll let me. I’m sorry it’s taken me time to realize it, to work through all my junk. But I’m crazy about you, Heidi. I want to be with you and raise our daughter together. I would do anything to protect you—both of you.”
“I know,” Heidi breathes, her eyes casting around the room to acknowledge the lengths I went to in order to keep her safe today. Then her eyes return to me, a grateful smile curving her lips.
I mirror her warmth, my own smile drawing from within me all the joy and love and devotion I’ve spent so long trying to suppress. “Against my wishes, and my very best efforts, I’ve fallen for you, Heidi, and after almost losing you, I know that the love I was trying to avoid found me anyway. I don’t want to run from attachment anymore. I want to tie myself to you in every earthly way possible and spend the rest of my life making up for all the years I’ve wasted.”
Heidi giggles, her happiness radiating from her with an almost angelic glow. “I want that too,” she murmurs, her eyes glistening.
41
HEIDI
It fills me with overwhelming elation to hear Maks say that he not only loves me but that he wants to raise our daughter together. Telling him the truth about Sarah was one of the scariest things I’ve ever had to do—almost as scary as facing my death at the hands of Aleksandr Volkov.
I had expected Maks to be angry that I kept my secret from him, possibly indifferent about having a daughter. I thought he might even want nothing to do with me or Sarah, but he took me completely by surprise.
As a giddy burst of joy bubbles from my lips, Maks leans in to kiss me, right in the middle of the casino. Heat races through my veins and pools inside my belly at his touch, and as I hold Sarah’s sleepy body close with one arm, I melt into Maks, soaking up the reassuring strength of his powerful arms.
Catcalls from the doorway of the dim room call me back to the present, and Maks breaks the kiss with a roll of his eyes.
“You two are the worst,” he growls toward the two men who paused their inspection of Aleksandr’s lifeless body to interrupt our moment.
They both flash devilish grins that instantly confirm they must be Maks’s brothers. All three have the same gray eyes and dark hair flecked with just the right amount of silver. Their features are similar, too, with square jaws and straight noses. From a distance, I might have a hard time distinguishing one from the other.
“Sorry,” Maks grumbles, turning his attention back to me. “I would say they’re not normally this bad, but then I’d be lying.”
