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“I think there are a lot of things you hate about me, Lance Garland, but that’s a discussion for another day.”
Before I could respond, she shut my door, jogged around to the driver’s side, and climbed in. Then, with a heart the weight of a lead ball inside my chest, I let her drive me away from the woman I thought I’d have years with yet. The woman I thought would rock her grandbabies in her arms and sing terrible versions of pop songs while she did it. I didn’t look behind me. I knew her coffin was being lowered into the ground by the cemetery attendants, and that was too much to bear.
I focused my attention on the woman sitting next to me and thought about what she said. The fact was, there was nothing I hated about her. She didn’t understand that, but my grief-stricken mind couldn’t find a way to explain it to her either. Hell, I’d been trying for years to tell Indigo exactly how I felt, but thus far, the words had escaped me. Not a surprise considering words were not my forte. It was better this way, I told myself, but myself knew I was a liar.
November
I propped my head against the back of the bench and stretched my legs out. I was tired after working four twelve-hour days at the bakery and I needed some time to rest before I got on the road. The warmth of the early November afternoon was appreciated by my soul as the sun shone down upon me. The Bells Pass Park was quiet since it was barely one in the afternoon and the kids were still in school. If I was going to get to Saginaw without crashing Coop, I had better catch a few winks.
“Well, well, if it isn’t little goody goody gumdrop,” a voice called and I jolted awake, standing before I realized it, only to fall back to the bench. Lance stood before me with a smile on his face. It was the first natural smile I’d seen him wear in the month since his mom died. He had come back to work the week after her funeral, but he was rarely present. He just did his job with robotic precision and then disappeared. I didn’t blame him. Grief was hard, but we were all worried about him.
“Hey, Lance,” I said, rubbing a hand over my face and glancing at my watch. I’d been sleeping almost an hour. Good, that would be enough to get me home … er… to the hotel. “Enjoying the day?”
He shrugged and stared off at the gazebo to his left. The Bells Pass gazebo was iconic in this town. It dated all the way back to my great grandparents’ time. I suppose the history books would tell me the exact year it was built, but I didn’t care so much how many years it had been there, as long as it stayed there for years to come.
“Not really,” he answered. “Why are you sleeping in the park?”
“It’s a nice day and I just meant to sit and enjoy the sunshine,” I lied. “Why aren’t you enjoying the day? Did you just get done with work?”
He shook his head and walked toward the gazebo. That forced me to follow him if I wanted answers. He climbed the stairs and walked to the other end of the gazebo where he stared up at the giant tree. “My mom loved the lighting of the Bells Pass Christmas tree. Even when she had to work, she’d always make sure she gathered up as many patients as she could in the rec room to wait. They could only see the top of the tree light up, but she always said it was worth the extra work to hear the gasp in the room when the tree shone brightly. She would lead everyone in a chorus of Silent Night before she took them back to their rooms. My mom was Christmas. What am I going to do without her this year?”
“She was the joy of the season,” I agreed, standing next to him. “I don’t have the answer to that, Lance. I do have a hug if that would help.”
His back was ramrod straight as he stared at the tree, but I saw the tears in his eyes. I wasn’t going to embarrass him by saying anything, though. Grief was never easy. Just when I was ready to step away and give him some space, he turned and draped his arms around me while his shoulders shook.
“I’m sorry,” he said through his tears. “I finished everything with the lawyer today and it just felt so,” he sobbed softly while I rubbed his back, wishing I had the right words at that moment. My problems were small compared to what he was going through and I’d do well to remember that. “It felt so final.”
“Don’t apologize,” I said, squeezing him tighter. “You should lean on your friends more than you do. Don’t think you have to get through this alone. You’re not alone, Lance.”
“I sure feel alone,” he said as he worked to stop his tears. He was heavy in body and soul. I could feel it as I held him.
“You can ask for help when you need it. I would have gone with you today for moral support. I didn’t know it was happening.”
He stood slowly and wiped his eyes on his shoulder. “I didn’t think of it, to be honest. I didn’t think anyone would want to.”
I stuck a finger in his chest and pushed. “Any one of us would put aside anything we had going on to be there for you. Just like you would for any of us, right?” He nodded and shrugged again. “And why is that?”
“Because we’re a family,” he answered obediently.
“That’s right.” I tapped his chest once and then dropped my hand. “It’s only a little after two, so the diner won’t be busy. Why don’t we go have something to eat and relax a little bit?”
His gaze traveled to the tree again and he sighed but squared his shoulders. “Yeah, that sounds good. I haven’t eaten all day. If I go home, I’m just going to stare at the empty walls.”
I took his hand and pulled him down the stairs and along the path with me. “Do you want to walk or take Coop? He’s in the parking lot.”
“I’ll take the ride, even if it means my knees are at my chin. I’ve been walking all day.”
I slowed my steps until he was next to me. “Again, you could have asked one of us for a ride, Lance. I always wondered why you never got your license in high school.”
“After my traumatic brain injury as a kid, they warned me that certain things would be harder as I got older. Driving turned out to be one of them. I don’t need a car in Bells Pass, anyway. I can walk or bike to wherever I need to go. Mom used to drive me if we had to go a long distance, but now …” He didn’t finish the sentence. He just shrugged as though that would be enough.
I was surprised by his honesty. Normally, he worked around the question without answering it.
“Now, you ask your friends. Any of us would get you anywhere you need to go.”
I opened the door for him and held it while he slid into the seat. “Thanks, Gumdrop.”
I leaned on the car door for a minute and offered him a smile. “No thanks needed. That’s what friends do for friends. We may have been frenemies in the past, but I think time and maturity has changed us, right?”
