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I squeezed her waist and kissed the top of her head. “I was just figuring you hadn’t taken Coop the two blocks to the nursing home.”
“He’s dead,” she whispered. “I can’t believe he’s dead.”
Her statement knocked the air from me and I froze on the sidewalk, nearly tripping over my feet before I righted myself. My house was half a block away and I half walked, half carried her to the door, unlocked it and helped her inside. Once she was settled on the couch, I wrapped her hands around a shot of whiskey that she swallowed immediately. It brought some color back to her face as she stared at me with a blank look.
“I’m supposed to feel bad that he’s dead, right?” Her words were stiff, as though the trauma of seeing him again had been more than she could handle.
“You can feel any way you want to feel, baby,” I promised as I took the glass from her hand. “Did he pass while you were there or before you got there?”
“He died while I was telling him what a scumbag he was, and I hoped his last breath shot him straight to hell.”
My eyes widened but I didn’t say anything and risk it not being what she needed to hear. “You’re safe here, Gumdrop.” She just stared at me and I realized she wasn’t even breathing. I swung around onto the couch and pulled her into me, rubbing her back roughly. “You have to breathe, sweetheart.” My voice was loud and she jumped and took in a breath at the same time. “There you go,” I whispered, rubbing her back gently to calm her. “Just take some deep breaths and remember you’re safe here with me.”
She relaxed into me and I leaned back on the couch, holding her against my chest where she rested her head. “Brenda came in as I told him to go to hell and she started screaming incoherently when she realized he was dead. Eventually, she collapsed onto the floor in a flair of dramatics and passed out. When no one rushed to help her, I decided she must do it a lot, so I left. I’m about one hundred percent sure she’s going to blame me for this.”
“You know Bruce didn’t die because you told him to go to hell, right?” I asked, just to be sure.
“Bruce was hanging on by a thread, Lance. It was terribly sad and pathetic to see him that way. He’d been ravaged by his years in the nursing home and was nothing but skin and bones. I was shocked because the last time I saw him, he was well over two hundred pounds.”
“A lengthy illness like his will do that to a person.”
She nodded and I loved how it felt against my skin. I just loved having her against me so I could offer her my warmth as comfort. “When I first saw him, all I could think was how glad I was that Michelle didn’t go that way, you know? That she didn’t waste away from cancer treatments before she died. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that,” she whispered right before she started crying loud, racking sobs.
I rubbed her shoulder patiently and kissed the top of her head as I held her to me. She was in shock. I had to give her time to let the adrenaline drain away before I tried to reason with her. Eventually, her sobbing ebbed to hiccups, so I rested her against the couch and went in search of tissues and water. When I returned, she hadn’t moved, but her hiccups were less frequent and her breathing had evened out. I wiped her face and then handed her the glass of water. She drank all of it before she tucked herself into a ball in the corner of the couch.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered. My gut twisted to hear the shame and fear in her voice. “I didn’t mean to fall apart.”
I sat next to her and ran my fingers through her hair, tucking it behind her ear so I could see her face. “You don’t have to apologize. This is your home now, babe. This is where you fall apart. Lord knows I’ve done the same enough times on the very same couch.”
She nodded but I could tell she wasn’t convinced. “I’m sorry for bringing up Michelle.”
“Don’t be,” I insisted. “I see it a different way than you, I guess. When you were standing before the man who had made your life a living hell, you thought of my mother. You thought enough of her not to want her life to end that way. That doesn’t upset me, Indie, not even a little bit. You’re so compassionate and empathetic, just like she was. I’m glad that you only wanted what was best for her. Do you understand what I’m trying to say?”
She nodded, but she wouldn’t make eye contact with me. “I wish a lot of the time that Michelle had been my mom instead of Brenda.”
“I don’t.” She lifted her head instantly with fire flashing in her eyes. That’s what I wanted. I wanted to jumpstart some life back into her. “I can’t date my sister,” I explained on a wink.
That got a smile from her, and I was relieved. I had to keep her breathing steadily until she got past the initial shock. “I shouldn’t have gone, but something Becca said this morning drew me there.”
“What did she say? I’m sure it was insightful considering what she’s gone through in life.”
Indie nodded. “Becca said if I had the chance to tell my abuser that I no longer live in the shadow of his beliefs, then I have to take it. I ignored her at first, but on my way home it struck me that Bruce did abuse me, both physically and emotionally.”
“Physically?” I raised a brow and she looked away, shame filling her face. Her beautifully thin neck bobbed, and I saw tears glittering in her eyes.
“I don’t want to talk about it right now.”
“Okay, then we won’t.” I wrapped her up in my arms again and held her. “We don’t have to talk at all if that’s what you want.”
“I don’t know what to say, Lance. The only word in my head when I saw him was consequences. Sometimes your choices lead to bad ones and Bruce was suffering from his. I took my chance while I had it to tell him that despite him, I’d made something of myself, and it felt good to say it to the person who made me feel worthless for years. Then he choked on that last breath, and I’m worried I shouldn’t have said what I said. I may have cursed myself by being vindictive.”
“No,” I said, rubbing her back to warm her. “No, it doesn’t work that way, baby. If someone wrongs you in life, you get the chance to tell them how they wronged you and how it made you feel. That’s all you did today. It’s no different than had you sat in court and told him how his actions affected you. Don’t think that way, please.”
I stroked the hair back behind her ear and kissed her lips once then twice and finally a third time. I wanted her to feel how much I cared about her and that nothing she did today was bad.
She sat up and finally met my gaze. “You don’t think I’m a terrible person for doing that to someone at the end of their life?”
“No, Gumdrop,” I whispered. “He was a terrible person in life yet you’re still a beautiful, kind, empathetic soul. He deserved to hear how despite him, you rose up to be someone this community cherishes.”
