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“The guy I dated for two years and almost married was a businessman. He turned out to be a lying sack of used toilet paper.”
“I’m sorry, Hazel, you didn’t deserve that but not all businessmen are like him.” I raised a brow rather than speak. “Not the same thing,” he added.
“It kind of is,” I said, pushing back. “The last person I dated may have broken my heart, but that doesn’t mean the next person will do the same. It doesn’t mean they’ll all walk. It doesn’t mean they’ll cheat. It doesn’t mean anything other than the person who broke our heart wasn’t the right one.”
“Then I’ve had a lifetime of wrong ones,” he said, finishing the wine. “It all comes down to inconvenience for women. The chair. The dog. The activities I can’t do. The sex.”
“The sex?”
“Oh yeah,” he said with an exaggerated eye roll. “Sex was too hard for them.”
“Sex was too hard?” I asked to be sure I’d heard him correctly.
He dumped his head back on the pillow and shook it. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that. My filter disappears when I’m tired. Maybe you should go.”
“I’m not going anywhere. We can discuss the hard stuff, too, Irving. That’s how two people get to know each other.”
“This is the intimate stuff that only couples talk about, though,” he said, staring at the ceiling.
“That may be true, but it also applies to the discussion we’re having, so fill me in. How was sex too hard for them?”
He rolled his head to the left to face me and took a breath. “I need adaptive equipment, which takes time to set up. Foreplay has certain requirements since I can’t get psychogenic erections. Touch is required, but I also have to be on the watch for autonomic dysreflexia when it comes to orgasm. That’s just for starters. Aren’t you glad you asked?”
“I am glad I asked. This is how we learn about each other and our differences.What else? You said that was just for starters.”
“The catheter,” he said, motioning below his navel. “Will you go home now? I’m uncomfortable.”
It was easy to see this was difficult for him, but I wouldn’t fold that easily. “Why are you uncomfortable? Is it the discussion or the company?”
“Both?”
“You don’t think this is an important discussion to have or?”
His sigh was heavy when it left his chest. “Listen, I understand that the learning curve is different for everyone when interacting with the disabled community. Obviously, you’re way above the curve. That said, everyone starts with good intentions, and then when things get complicated, the not-so-tough get going. I’ve been in this chair as long as I can remember, so I get it, but I also don’t see the point of doing the same thing repeatedly and expecting different results.”
I set my glass aside and leaned up on my elbow. “What about the one time doing the same thing gets different results?”
“Never going to happen, Hazel.”
“You’re right, especially when you give up on happiness like you have. Yes, it’s disappointing when someone lets us down, but that doesn’t mean everyone will.”
“I wish I had your optimism, Hazel,” he whispered. “I’m tired of being alone but being alone with a broken heart is so much harder. It’s not even that you may have thought that person was the one, but when you’re treated as too much bother, the broken heart comes from losing a dream rather than the person. The dream that a day will come when you find the right someone and you’re no longer alone.”
“That day is today,” I said before my lips landed on his.
∞∞∞
Had she heard nothing I’d said? That was all I could think of as Hazel pressed her lips to mine and wrapped her fingers in my hair.
Do you care if she didn’t?that voice asked.
When my lips opened to her probing, I decided they answered that question. The truth was, I didn’t want her to listen to me. I wanted her to be unapologetically her, as she always is, and tell me exactly how she felt about the subject. The ruse had worked, and she’d dug in for more openness and honesty than you get by talking.
Her soft, velvety tongue slid inside my mouth to collide with mine, and what ensued was a kiss I wouldn’t soon forget. I hated to do it, but I pulled away for a minute and sucked in air while she did the same.
“That was incredible,” I whispered between breaths. “Why did you do it?”
“I wanted to,” she said without moving out of my space. “To prove that not all inter-abled relationships are wrong. That kiss told me you aren’t against us. You’re against being hurt.”
