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“Does it feel good to be right?” I asked somewhat sarcastically.
“Not even a little bit,” she whispered, stroking my cheek with her finger. “It’s not about being right or wrong, Irving. It’s about how I feel when I’m with you. I feel good about myself and like someone cares about my opinions and ideas. More than that, I feel like you get who I am at my core. I’ve never had that before, and it’s life-changing not to have to hide who I am all the time.”
I tipped my head in confusion. “Why would you do that? If someone doesn’t like you for you, then screw them. Keep doing you.”
“I agree, at least personally, but professionally, that can be impossible. It was hard to leave Florida, but I’m glad I took the chance and came to Bells Pass. If I hadn’t, I wouldn’t have met you.” To punctuate her declaration, she kissed my lips again in a short, sweet and caring peck.
“I’m glad you’re here too,” I whispered, smoothing her hair back off her cheek to tuck behind her ear.
“I don’t know where to go from here, but I know I’m happy to be right here.”
“Me too,” I agreed with a smile. “I’d like to do more than kiss you, Hazel Cane, but there needs to be more discussion about that first. Spontaneity is no longer in my vocabulary.”
“You’re wrong,” she insisted. “That kiss was spontaneous, right?” I nodded, and she shrugged. “The poem you performed tonight was spontaneous, right?” I nodded again. “It’s not that the word isn’t in your vocabulary, but you’re looking at the definition wrong. Take pleasure in the little spontaneous things we do every day, like walking to the diner for dinner or sharing a bottle of wine on the couch with a movie when we finish our work early. When something comes up that requires more planning or preparation, take pleasure in knowing that we’ll be prepared, and we’ll be able to enjoy ourselves without worrying.”
“Are you talking about sex now?”
“I’m speaking in generalities, but I suppose sex fits in there. Your level of injury is T6?” she asked, and I nodded. “Then we make sure we empty your bladder beforehand so we don’t have to worry about autonomic dysreflexia. We light candles, turn on soft jazz, and prepare your adaptive equipment. Intimacy isn’t about the act of intercourse. It’s about everything that leads up to it and after it. This, tonight, is intimacy. We can be intimate without having sex.”
“You’re okay with that?” I asked in surprise. “Most women aren’t okay with that.”
“I’m not most women,” she answered patiently. “I’m me, and I’ve never equated sex with intimacy. Do I like sex? That gets an enthusiastic two thumbs up, but it’s not about the act for me as it’s about the intimacy shared. It’s about the little pieces of each other that we share with no one else. You can have sex with someone without an intimate connection. Does that make sense?”
“It does,” I agreed, leaning my head back on the pillow to gaze into her eyes while I caressed her cheek. “Tell me what this looks like for you because I’m unsure.”
“Unsure about us exploring what’s between us or unsure what it looks like?”
“Mostly the latter but a little of the former.”
“I know it will take you some time to trust that I’m not like those other women. I accept that without being upset about it. All I ask is that you allow me to do that without letting your past experiences hold prejudice against me.”
“I can do that,” I whispered. “You’re different from anyone I’ve ever known, Hazel. There’s no way to compare you to them because your soul is completely different from theirs.”
“Good, then let’s move forward with no strings attached.”
“No strings attached?” I asked in confusion.
“Whatever happens, happens. We don’t overthink it but are open about how we’re feeling and what we want from each other at any given time.”
“At any given time? Sorry for the questions, but I want us to be on the same page.”
“What I mean is, every time we connect, we’re open about how we’re feeling and what we want from each other at that moment. Not a week, a month, or a year from now.”
“No strings attached.” I nodded and tipped my gaze to the ceiling for a moment. Could I do no strings attached with someone I already had feelings for? I wasn’t sure, but not having her in my personal space was out of the question, so if she wanted no strings attached, I’d give her that. Honestly, having a companion over the holidays, by any definition, was better than being alone. “I can do that.”
“Me too.” Her whisper was soft as she snuggled against me with her head on the pillow. “Tell me what you want from me right this moment.”
My gaze drifted to hers and locked in. “I want you to kiss me again until we’re too tired to keep our eyes open. Then I want to hold you as we drift off to sleep, knowing that tomorrow, we will keep trying to make Bells Pass a better place for everyone.”
She traced my lips with her finger before she spoke. “Ironic because that’s exactly what I want too.”
Then her lips were on mine, and her kiss settled deep inside me. I felt a tug in the part of my soul I thought had lost sensation forever. A stitch had been placed, and I prayed it held. I hoped that each time I kissed this woman, she’d add another stitch until my fractured soul was whole again.
∞∞∞
The night was quiet and I couldn’t help but stare at Hazel as she slept. It was late, or early, depending on how you looked at it. I had awoken when Star snuffled in his sleep, but now, I couldn’t tear my eyes off her long enough to fall back asleep.
Last night, I’d gathered her into my arms and held her until we dropped off into dreamland. When I woke, she was facing me, her beautiful red hair framing her gorgeous face that in sleep showed me the innocence of the child she still carried within her. It was all I could do to keep from tracing the lines of her cheek with my finger, but I didn’t want to wake her.
