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“I wouldn’t sayso manywomen. It’s only been three, but that was one thing they all had in common. They wanted our relationship to be something it could never be. Don’t get me wrong, I understood where they were coming from, which is why I stopped dating.”
Hazel stood up from the couch and paced to the other side of the room, peeking through the window at the snow before she paced back toward the couch. She rubbed her arms up and down as she paced, and I could tell she was worked up and out of sorts. I was about to transfer to my chair when she knelt and grasped my knees, holding my gaze.
“I have a confession to make, and you probably aren’t going to like it, but it needs to be said before we go any further. We’ve already shared the ultimate intimacy, and it was supposed to be no strings attached, but it wasn’t for me. I couldn’t do no strings attached because I was already in love with you, Irving Wallace.”
“Wha—what?” I asked, my chest hitching at her declaration. “You fell in love with me?” Her head nod was earnest, eager, and full of fear. “When did that happen?” The question was whispered in stilted words as I tried to take it all in and process it.
“When I opened my eyes to see you sitting beside my bed after my surgery. That was when I knew you were my protector and why I came to Bells Pass. It wasn’t like a lightning bolt of love struck me or anything. It was more a calming of my soul that made me feel safe. Over the last few months, as we got to know each other, I started to understand why I felt that way and could love you so quickly and easily. I haven’t said anything, in hopes that you’d see my love in my actions and words. Since you haven’t, I wanted you to hear me say the words before you roll out of my life.”
Was this woman on her knees declaring her love for me? Was this really happening? My heart skipped around in my chest, alternating between happiness and fear as I gazed into her eager eyes. She sat before me with her heart and soul open without knowing what my reaction would be. In the end, she risked her heart to help heal mine. I grasped her arms and pulled her up onto the couch to straddle my waist, and buried my nose in her neck to inhale her scent of peppermint. I was afraid to speak and lose the tight hold I had on the tears building behind my lids. I was afraid to speak and lose all hope of keeping her firmly in the friend zone. I was even more afraid to speak and lose my heart to this woman forever.
Hazel cradled my head in her hands and kissed the top of it. “I’m sorry if I’ve upset you, but I had to get that out,” she whispered. “I know you can’t say it back, Irving, and I don’t expect you to, but it was time I was honest with myself and you.”
It was time I was honest with myself.
I kissed her neck and inhaled a deep breath. “Then maybe it’s time I’m honest with myself and you, too.”
Hazel leaned back and put her finger to my lips. “Don’t say anything you don’t feel, Irving. I said those words without expectations or demands.”
“I know,” I promised, kissing her finger until she removed it from my lips. “That’s what I love about you. The day Star found you, I was holding him back as they loaded you into the ambulance and one word settled over me. Protect. I didn’t know why at the time, but I followed my gut and did what I was led to do. How a guy like me could protect someone as vivacious, beautiful, and capable as you, I didn’t know, but I had to try. I’m still trying, but somewhere along the way, protecting you became loving you. I know it was supposed to be no strings attached, but I guess I’m not great at that kind of relationship. Does that complicate our lives? So much, but denying it is getting us nowhere. The fear of being in love with you and it being a mistake is making me miserable. It’s not hard to believe that a guy like me could fall in love with someone as wonderful as you, but it is hard to believe that a woman like you could feel the same way about me.”
She kissed my lips then, showing me exactly how a woman like her could love a guy like me. “Can I ask you a question?” I was so drunk on the declarations of love that I simply nodded. “Did you love Norah or any of the other women who left you? Did you ever share your feelings with each other?”
“Share our feelings? No. We dated and had sex, but that was as far as it went.”
“You liked it that way, right? It gave you a chance to lay out what your life was like in every aspect, so they could decide for themselves if they wanted to stay?”
I wanted to pop off and tell her she didn’t know what she was talking about, but I couldn’t. She spoke the truth and pretending she was wrong wouldn’t get us anywhere. “I never consciously thought about it that way, but you’re right. I led with my disability instead of my heart.”
“What was different when you met me?”
“We were on an even playing field from day one. In my opinion, my disability was never a factor in our relationship initially.”
“Until?”
“Until you started doing all those little things you do to help me and I realized you didn’t know you were doing them. You direct my chair with a nudge or position my legs on the couch when I transfer. You don’t mind stowing my chair in the SUV so you can ride in the front with me, and you treat Star as an important part of our lives without acting put out that we have to take him with us. You’re almost as attuned to my body as I am, and you willingly stop what you’re doing to make sure I’m safe and not ignoring a problem. The way you taught me to enjoy intimacy as much as sex, and the way you put me at ease about a sexual relationship in a way no one has before. You see what needs to be done and you do it without making it a chore or making me feel bad that I can’t do it.”
“I would never do that, Irving,” she whispered, my face in her hands now. “All those little things, that’s what a relationship should be. It’s about being there for each other and anticipating what our partner needs before they need it.”
“Like making sure you always have a steady supply of candy canes?” I asked with a wink. Her laughter was lighter. Happier. More relaxed than I’d heard it in too long. That was when it hit me. “You’ve been stressed about this for a long time, right?”
“Longer than I care to admit,” she agreed. “You were only okay with no strings attached. I was trying to abide by that so I didn’t jeopardize our relationship by asking for more than you could give.”
“What changed tonight?”
“When you said that Daniel wasn’t the one for me. It hit me that with as much certainty as I have that he wasn’t, I know you are. I couldn’t be all in if you weren’t in at all, so it was time to know if there was even the slightest chance that we could be more. We may not know what that looks like right now, but I had to know if there was a chance.”
“I hope it looks like cuddling in bed, supporting each other in work and life, eating Cubanos at eleven p.m., and having seriously hot sex more often than not.”
This time, her laughter was low and sexy, making my stomach tighten with anticipation. I was going to be seriously ticked if I woke up in the morning and this was all a dream. I cupped her face in my hands and stroked her temples. She was real. We were real.
“I don’t know how I got so lucky, but I’ll follow you wherever you go, baby,” I whispered, leaning in to steal a kiss from her lips.
“I’m not going anywhere except to bed with you.”
Then her lips were on mine, and we let our hearts do the talking.
Chapter Sixteen
