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“What movie are we watching?” I asked, reaching for the sour gummies.
Erik remained quiet and pressed play. The screen lit up, and Legally Blondestarted playing on the TV – my all-time favorite movie.
“You remember?” I turned to him.
He got closer to me and pressed his lips to my forehead before wrapping his arm around my shoulder and pulling me into him when the soundtrack started. Dark, thoughtful eyes stared into mine. Clean linen smell.
“I could never forget anything about you.”
I looked away and relaxed in his arms, remembering what it felt like to be his. I would be lying if I didn’t say that I missed this.
The comfort between us was still alive, but my feelings were conflicted. My heart was trying to determine where Erik sat. Nestled in his warm embrace, part of me wanted to give him another chance. I could forgive him for the things he said like I had many times before. We could learn not to be as explosive and escalate with each other. For a second, I believed we could make it work again.
He let out a long breath and leaned his cheek on my head. Years of forts, hugs, and kisses – both secret and not – flooded my memories. We had so much history. He had been my first everything. My first kiss, my prom date, my best friend.
He held me tightly like he was afraid I would vanish into thin air. It was like he could sense my hesitation about being here. The wrong scenarios played in my head, but I allowed my thoughts to be overshadowed by the feeling of being in his arms. His finger swirled around on my exposed thigh as Elle gave her graduation speech.
We crawled out of the fort once the movie ended, and I shook my thoughts off. Erik walked over to the freezer and pulled out my favorite comfort meal – nuggets and fries. He popped them into the oven as I stared at him.
“I figured reminding you of a time we were happy would be a good way to start,” he explained. He mixed some ketchup and mayo to make my go-to condiment.
“It’s definitely sweet.”
He gave me his million-dollar smile that melted my heart. Once the food was done, we climbed back into the fort and watched another movie.He really was trying to take me back in time. I appreciated the weird sense of nostalgia that came with the evening.
After dinner, I decided it would be better to head home. Old, strong feelings were bubbling up, and I was liable to make bad decisions. Erik followed me to the door.
“Thank you,” I hugged him. “I had fun traveling back in time.”
“I’m glad,” he kissed my head. “I want to show you that I want this again. I wanted to remind you of how good it used to be, Blake.”
“I never forgot, Erik.”
“Good. Will I get another date?”
“There’s a lot I have to think about. There was a lot of bad between us too.”
“It won’t be perfect, I know. But we can work on it. We can be happy again.”
“I’ll think about it, but I’m not—”
He ran his fingers down the back of my hair, sending shivers down my spine, and pulled the bottom of it. It forced my face to tilt up toward him. He pressed his lips against mine without another word and pressed me up against the wall. Everything happened in a split second.
The kiss was familiar. Comfortable. Hungry. Begging for me to kiss back, so I did.
I felt the corrugated wall on the backs of my legs. One of his hands fell to the side of my thigh, fidgeting with the edge of my shorts. His other hand clutched at the stomach of my shirt. My breath hitched, and I broke our kiss.
“Sorry,” he whispered, cupping my face before letting me go. “I wouldn’t have forgiven myself if I let you walk out that door without kissing you one more time.”
“Goodnight, Erik.”
“Goodnight, Button.”
I closed his door behind me and let myself breathe again. My fingers touched where his lips met mine just seconds before. My heart broke, remembering the kisses that helped shape me.
Throughout high school and college, I always knew Erik and I had something but always ignored it. It was terrifying to come to terms with my feelings for him. Feelings I wasn’t supposed to be having for my best friend. Until he kissed me in his college living room, I had convinced myself they were one-sided. Then, we gave it a shot and lit up our relationship like a firework, only to have it explode at the end.
A year after we broke up, I still found myself feeling the other side of my empty bed for him, wishing he was next to me. Some Saturday mornings, I wished things were different. I wanted to find him making pancakes in the kitchen, shirtless with flannel pants hung low, and his hair wet from a shower after his run. It took me a long time to be okay with the choices I made.
