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“One day I’m gonna marry my auburn-haired woman, Mats, you’ll see. And it’s gonna be the most beautiful wedding you've ever gone to.” I say softly, “Even better than your own. And you are going to be my best woman.”
“Do I have to wear a suit?”
1
Welcome to the Jungle – Guns n’ Roses
Noah
-Two years ago-
Today is just not my day. My hairdryer is broken, I’ve just burnt my breakfast, and the weather outside is wild. It would be a miracle if the sun was shining four days in a row. It’s fucking July, can a guy have just a wee bit of sun, please?
The poems I wrote this morning are now lying under a thick coat of black coffee, due to me not seeing the mug and knocking it over in a rush, trying to finish everything in time and not be late for work. It’s not like I would miss much since I’m there every day from opening hours to almost closing.
I have deep purple circles under my eyes and tremors in my hands, which if I may add, feel like shit. Tiana says I need to stop “eating” Red Bull for dinner, but she doesn’t know what it's like to be an artist. I’m the fun twin, the party at our store and she is the boss, the brains of the operation, the boring one. Sometimes I wish I was as put together as she is though. That would mean much less burnt eggs and much more happy poems and lyrics in my notebook. But it is what it is. Not all of us are made to lead, some of us were made to create, and I mostly create chaos.
As I open the bathroom door, my phone starts ringing once again, and I can’t help the groan that escapes. I wonder how the thing hasn’t exploded yet from the constant ringing all day, every day. It’s Tiana, another day, probably another ‘could you close up tonight, I have a date’. I’ve never been big on dating, just casual hook ups, which does sound strange, considering I’m a huge romantic and a poet. I guess my life might’ve been a bit fuller if I had a significant other around.
“Yes, I can stay and lock up.” I say as I draw a hairbrush down my wet hair.
“How did you know?” she says, as if it’s our first rodeo.
“Tia, I can see into your brain, you know, twins and shit.”
“Don’t. You know saying that creeps me out.” She makes a retching noise, “Anyways, I have a date tonight, and I actually need you to stay at the store a little longer today…”
“Again?” I cut her off, “Tia…What for? Nothing is being delivered today and the cleaning crew came by last night, right?”
“Yes, they did an amazing job, and no, no guitar deliveries.” she mumbles, “Okay, listen, I did something, please don’t be mad.”
“What did you do?” I squeeze out through my teeth, the high-pitched sound of her voice makes my skin crawl. My sister just loves dumping all kinds of shit on me, it’s like she can’t help it.
“You know how you keep saying you can’t write at work, because of all the guitarists and the noise and stuff? Well, I have made a deal with some small construction crew, and they were only available for a few hours tonight." She sounds hesitant, and it takes me a minute to register what she’s actually saying.
“What did you do, Tiana?” My voice is shaky, because if she did what I think she did...
“I am lending you my office, Noah. I haven’t done much for you for our birthday this year, and I just wanted to show you that I listen and I care. That I appreciate everything you do for me and for the store, and all the sacrifices that you make to keep us going.” My eyes fill with tears at her words, “I mostly work from home currently, and I wouldn’t actually mind the peace and quiet once in a blue moon, when I actually decide to come to the store, so the crew is going to soundproof the office - no noise in, no noise out.”
I can’t speak. If I open my goddamn mouth I will scream and ugly cry. She really did it. For me. For my scribbling.
“Noah? You there?” she asks, probably worried I might have passed out.
“Yeah,” I whisper, “Are you sure, Tia? It’s your space, you are the one who worked ha–”
“Yes, it’s been a dream of yours for a long time.” she cuts me off.
After a long pause spent listening to my twin’s breathing, I feel calm enough to speak properly again.
“Thank you, Tiana. I will make you proud one day. I will make mom proud too.” There is a golf ball-sized lump in my throat and my eyes sting. It feels like the room around me is spinning in circles, but in the most positive way possible.
“We both already are. I would do anything for you, and so would she, if she was still with us.” The sadness in her voice breaks my heart, I feel like she doesn’t really remember her anymore, and the same is happening to me. It’s been sixteen years.
“And so would dad, asshole! Call him back, he wants to talk to you.” She switches to a bossy tone, and I can’t believe he was whining about me, again. I just can’t stop my eyes from rolling into the back of my head.
“Okay, okay, I will.”Maybe, I think to myself, “Is it important?”
“I can’t say. I’m going to go now, love you, knucklehead.”
