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“Love you too, sis.”
I stare at my reflection in the mirror for a good hour after the line goes silent. It’s a way of grounding for me. Every time I feel too excited about something, or too happy about something, I know for a fact that a bad thing is coming my way. That’s what I was taught since I was a kid. It’s in our Balkan blood, the curse of ‘If you laugh too much, you will cry later’.
My hair is mostly dry now, the rain is still pouring like crazy, but I am finally getting my own space atBLASTERS.A place I can finally create something at, since I can’t play any of the instruments we are selling for the life of me.
Black tee on, dark jeans on, black Chuck Taylors on and I’m off to work. I stick my earphones in and try my best to relax on the drive there. Since our music store is not too far away, I always opt for taking the bus. The drums in my ears make my heart pump faster as I imagine myself on a stage instead in this smelly, dirty, old vehicle that’s probably dying faster than the blonde chick in horror movies.
The kid across from me is staring at my tattooed fingers with disgust. His, I guess, mom isn’t looking at me any better, so I give the kid the finger. The mom gasps so loudly I can actually hear it through the music in my ears and I chuckle. Keep staring, bitch.
Yup. This day is definitely getting better.
***
Work sucks ass. There, I said it. Only Matilda shows up. The other two are unfortunately sick again, so the pair of us had to move some of the shelves around and completely rearrange the drum kit section for the construction guys to bring their equipment in without damaging our products. I tried my best to do all the heavy lifting, because I have no uterus, but sweet baby Jesus, there is a ‘too much’ for a lanky dude like me too. I can’t feel my arms and I have four more hours to lift and push. Oh, and a few more, once the construction crew leaves, but I’ll gladly suffer through those, even if it was double the time. Mats and I work amazingly side by side. The time goes by real fast once we start talking about our hopes and dreams for the store. I am happy I have her with me, she goes anywhere I go.
My damn phone is ringing again, as I've said, all day, every day. I already have 5 missed calls from my dad, and If I don’t take this one, my ass is grass.
My ass is grass, what am I, fifty-seven?
“Find some woman to bother, Marko, I have work to do!” I say jokingly, sitting down on one of the huge amplifiers we store.
“Well, that’s why I am calling, son. I did find one.” he says in a not so flat tone.
“Wait, what?” I whisper scream into the speaker, spitting all over my best friend’s lap. She is trying her best to glue her face to the other side of my phone just so she could hear what my dad is saying.
“Her name is Christine Forbs, well, was. Now she’s a Lukovich too.” he sing-songs his words and I don’t know what to feel or what to say. What the fuck?
“Well. Dad, is this a spur of the moment or what? I am happy for you, but you never mentioned her.” I take a deep breath, “I mean… You got married. I am not angry, I promise, just a bit hurt that I wasn't invited to the wedding.” Poppy Valley isn’t far away from Oaks Creek, I could’ve been there, I could’ve been a part of it. There is this feeling of complete weirdness in my gut, he is a grown man, yet I feel like I am the dad, and he is the son, telling me he got his first girlfriend ever. Life is strange like that sometimes. But this is worse, it’s not a girlfriend, it’s a wife.
“We’ve been seeing each other for a bit over a year now. She is divorced, and has a daughter your age, actually. I, unfortunately, haven't met her yet, since their relationship is a bit stranded. I felt like it was time to move on. She is a good woman, Noah.” He takes a deep breath, as if calming himself, “I know I shouldn’t talk about this with my boy, but she showers me with love and attention, I never feel alone anymore. I am not getting any younger, son, and I know we talk a lot on the phone, but I was lonely here with all of you gone, and I just didn’t want to live like that anymore. This felt like the right thing to do.”
“You shouldn’t be alone, dad. Mom died sixteen years ago, and you’ve never brought a woman home. We were your only priority and I honestly thought you would never recover. I am happy for you, dad, I truly am, I just wish you told us sooner.” I say with a genuine smile on my face, slowly coming to terms with this new situation.
“Oh, Jensen and Tiana knew. I was just afraid to tell you, since I know how you are about your mom.” He clears his throat. My twin AND my younger brother kept a secret from me. Nice. What a weird feeling in my chest, I wonder if it’s an urge to murder my goddamn siblings.
Seriously? Everyone knew but me?
"Thank you for the trust I guess… Anyway, I'm glad you found someone. I can’t wait to meet them both.” I say, and I truly mean it, simultaneously squishing the anger I feel towards those two little shits right now.
Oh my… Is Tia building me this isolated space because she feels guilty for knowing about dad? Honestly, I am not that surprised they didn’t share this with me. Wouldn’t be the first time the two of them kept a secret from me, it’s just that this time it’s a big thing. I always tease Tiana with our twin bond, since it gives her the creeps, but this is just another proof of that shit being a complete sham.
“I doubt the girl will be around a lot, no matter how much I would want that, but maybe you could all visit for New Year’s. Jensen could come from his boarding school, and we could all have some fun together!” he says, his voice full of hope.
I don’t have the heart to tell him that I probably won’t have the time to come home, so I switch the subject for a few more minutes, before I say goodbye.
Us, being Balkan and moving away from home, has been really hard on him. He completely supports Jensen, and so do Tiana and I. He is into sports and left for school, but Marko always gives a hard time to Tia and me. He wanted us close, he built a big home for all of us to fit into, and maybe leave once we find partners, but we all did that a bit too early in his opinion. Our love for him never faltered though. We are all deeply connected to him, and that’s partially because he was the only one raising us, but more so because it’s in our blood. Being brought up this way means being close to family, and I feel like we might have crushed his heart when we packed our bags and left.
I sit in the middle of our store, surrounded by the band kids and the sounds of guitars they are practicing on, contemplating how to kill my siblings for keeping a secret so big from me and wishing I was just a little buzzed before I heard the news. I share it all with Matilda whilst we wait for the crew to finish soundproofing my new sanctuary, and she seems genuinely happy about the news. She basically grew up in our house and in a way Marko was her dad too.
As we finally lock up after cleaning all of the mess this renovating left behind, Matilda convinces me to go clubbing in Silver Lake. It’s been a while since I've let loose.
I shower quickly and fix my hair, put on a crisp, new black shirt with a mesh on the back. I feel spicy and I want to show off the dragon on my back. I switch my Chuck’s for Doc’s and spray a little bit of my favorite lemony cologne. Mats finishes her makeup at my place and rushes me out the door as soon as she puts the mascara down. As she pushes me into a cab, for the first time in forever I feel kind of happy.
2
Take my breath – The Weeknd
Noah
