Page 56 of Poems He Wrote

I get up slowly, unwrapping Noah’s hands from my body and disentangling our legs, trying not to wake him up. He looks peaceful and gorgeous with his slightly parted, still swollen lips and his beautiful black hair spilled all over the pillow. He is, objectively, a gorgeous guy, and it wouldn’t be fair of me to pick my favorite parts of him, but his hair just takes that first spot so effortlessly. I gently caress his cheek, pushing a black strand away from his face and peck his nose. He scrunches his face up, and I giggle.

Time to leave, Ronan. Let the man sleep.

I step into his ginormous slippers, wrap myself in a blanket and close the bedroom door behind me. His kitchen is not as spacious as mine, but I love it nonetheless. He even bought a green coffee pot just for me. I grab it, pour some milk in it and turn the stove on for it to boil as I rummage through his cabinets and cupboards, looking for instant hot chocolate packets.

I wonder just how many things he changed around here since I came back into his life. He keeps his fridge stocked with fruits and veggies, which I know for a fact he didn’t do before, since Tiana told me. He keeps buying my favorite brand of instant hot beverages, he stuffs his drawers with salty snacks and always has a bottle of water on his bedside table.

What do I do for him?

I lie.

Bubbly sound breaks me out of my thoughts just in time for me to stop the milk from flowing over the top. I empty the white hot chocolate packet into the mug and cover it with scorching hot liquid. The smell makes my stomach rumble with excitement.

It’s chilly outside, but I still open a window overlooking the street below to let the air and the sounds of nightlife in. There is so much beauty in this small town at three in the morning. The bakers are going to work, the teens are going home from their night out. There are no cars, just a few yawns here and there, and lots of laughter.

Pulling a chair right next to the window, I sit down and put my drink on the window sill. Before my mind goes into overthinking mode once again, I grab my book off the table and dive back into the story.

The plot of a husband and his best friend sharing his lovely lady does something funny to my insides. I never wanted to be with multiple people at once, but the idea of being filled up to the hilteverywhereis…well, enchanting.

I don’t know how many minutes or hours have passed, but my hot chocolate still sits next to the window. Untouched, and ice cold.

I ate the book up. Inhaled it. My hands are tired, my eyes even more. I love it. It’s been a while since this happened. I was too overwhelmed with everything considering my mother, my dad, Noah… I barely let myself eat and drink. I felt my food issues slowly creeping back in, looking to offer me comfort, but I pushed through. Noah pushed me through. And his reaction to me tonight shook me to my core.

I felt beautiful and wanted. I felt like I finally had a place in this world. Like I belong. And I might have been a wee bit rude towards that waitress, but come on. Who in their right mind gives away their number to an obviously taken man? Right in front of the woman he came with?

My head starts throbbing with jealousy again.

I did nothing wrong, I just gave her a taste of her own medicine.

Right? Right.

Grabbing my phone off the table to write a review of the book, I see it’s almost five in the morning. When will I ever sleep like a decent human being?

As I type away, describing every single emotion I felt reading this spicy piece of art, hands touch my neck gently and massage in slow circles.

“You were gone,” Noah says, his voice hoarse with sleep. “I thought you ran away again. I woke up and you weren’t there.”

“I was just restless, and I wanted to read.”

“Wake me up, Ronan,” he whispers into my hair, wrapping his arms around me. “Wake me up wherever you go. Please.”

He sounds like a scared boy. A man who just a few hours ago rocked my world with unhinged sex, sounds like he is scared. I did this to him.

“I am not going anywhere,” I say reassuringly, getting up from my chair, pulling him into a hug. “I’m not leaving you. You are my light.”

“Ronan… I…”

I get up on my tippy toes and kiss him. It’s my turn to stop him now. I know what he wants to say, I feel it too.

“Come back to bed with me. I can punch a few hours in.”

“Lead the way, gorgeous,” he says, kissing my forehead.

We stride into the bedroom hand in hand, and snuggle under the covers. I lay my head on his shoulder as he outstretches his arm for me and I smile up at him. His other arm is perched under his head, his legs are once again tangled with mine, and this weird wave of calmness and warmth falls over me.

My Noah.

My man.

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