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She doesn’t want this anymore.
She doesn’t wantmeanymore, is what she’s saying.
My face drains of all its colour. The muscles that were tense are now completely lax and my face feels numb. My palms are damp, my hands tingling, and I feel like I have no blood in my upper body at all. I’ve been decimated by the person I love the most.
“Is this about the other day when I wouldn’t sleep with you? Because that’s… I wanted to, Jess, but I’m not going to do it when you aren’t yourself.”
Her head shakes. “It isn’t because of that.”
She just doesn’t want this… doesn’t want me.
I take one more look at her to confirm what I refuse to accept. Her eyes are narrow, unforgiving and determined.
Fuck this.
My feet close the distance between us as I stand in front of her, our toes touching. “I’m giving you one last chance to change your mind… I want to stay and help you through this. You aren’t supposed to have all the answers. You’re a kid, we’re kids...” I pause, raising my hand to her face and this time she doesn’t flinch when my palm cups her jaw. “Let me help you. Don’t push me away,” I whisper.
Her lip trembles as her brows crease and when she finally locks eyes with me, I can feel her pain as though it is my own, assaulting every nerve in my body. Tears spill from her eyes like a waterfall as she squares her shoulders to mine.
"You're leaving anyway, so…" she trails off.
I swallow the daggers that have moved into my throat, as I silently beg her not to say what I know is coming.
Don’t fucking say it, Jessica.
“It’s over.”
Part Two
Ten years later...
11
Jessica
“Jess,weneedtoget going. There are train strikes again and I really don’t like being late!”
Nora hollers up the stairs of our two-bed town house in London. I say ours, it’s Harriett’s Mother’s, but she lives in San Francisco, so for the last five years, we’ve rented it.
I’m standing in my bedroom, staring at my reflection, wondering how I can tame my nerves for tonight.
“You’ve got this,” I say confidently to myself, smoothing my sweaty hands over my black jeans before grabbing my leather jacket from the bed.
Hurrying downstairs, I spy Nora standing in the hallway. Her shiny black hair tied neatly into a sleek bun and her foot stamps as she fusses with a wayward piece of hair. I quickly reach into my handbag hanging on the banister and walk up behind her, holding out a bobby pin.
“Stay still.” I tame the flyaway with ease.
“Thank you. That piece of hair was testing my patience.” Nora smiles gratefully at me in the mirror.
“I could tell. You were doing a little dance with your foot there.”
She laughs lightly, letting her gaze flick over her petite frame once more in the mirror.
A flutter of nerves erupts through my body, making my hands suddenly clammy again as I think about what we’re about to do.
“I’m ready… are you ready?” I say in a rush. “Of course you are. You wouldn’t have shouted for me otherwise. Sorry.” I shake my hands in front of me, fighting with the pins and needles that are building.
Nora turns towards me, putting her manicured hands on my shoulders to calm me.
